The Curse of Skeleton Munroe

Category: Dynamic Man

  • PROBLEMATIC ROUND-UP 008

    Once again I must regretfully inform you that some comic books are problematic. Like, racially.

    the Laughing Hyenas: 

    Hey, it’s our first racial hate group, and I think I’m just going to preemptively file these under “problematic” because they’re a) not fun to talk about and b) necessitate talking about hate-crimes even if I, for example, choose not to use the panels with lynchings in them.

    The Laughing Hyenas are actually kind of a hate group by proxy, as they have been hired to keep the Black residents of the geographically-nonspecific town of Souda “in line” by murdering one of them every once in a while, and have been doing so frequently enough and/or long enough that even the local folks willing to volunteer for such a task have gotten sick of it, so boss Bull Karson had to import some Chicago toughguys to do his dirty work for him.

    Oddly, given the sheer volume of murder that the Laughing Hyenas were perpetrating, the Silver Streak doesn’t actually bring them in to the authorities ore even extra-judiciously kill them. Instead, he just dumps them on a slow boat to Rangoon. (Silver Streak Comics 013, 1941)

    the Modern Thief of Bagdad:

    Ali Hassan, aka the Modern Thief of Bagdad, is an Iraqi thief who comes to NYC to steal the Konoor Diamond, and as a result comes into conflict with Captain Battle and his young protege Hale Battle. A simple story that would ordinarily wrap up quite quickly, but this is a book-length yarn, which means that there is an extended chase sequence that occupies the 28 pages between the theft and Hassan’s arrival back in Baghdad. Some highlights:

    Chapter 1, “The Modern Thief of Bagdad!”: Hassan steals the gem, then give Battle and Hale the slip in Chinatown. Olyra, the mysterious guardian of the Konoor Diamond, is kidnapped.

    Chapter 2, “Perils of the Sargasso Sea!”: Hassan’s submarine becomes mired in sargassum and is attacked by a sea monster. Battle and Hale kill the beast. Hassan and his men dress up like ghost pirates. Olyra is rescued and then kidnapped again.

    Chapter 3, “Lost in the Underground World!”: Hassan’s plane crashes in Africa and he and Olyra are captured by cannibals (lil’ bonus racism for you there). Battle and Hale rescue them before being betrayed and dumped in a pit of quicksand. There is a brief interlude in an cave system full of monsters before it suddenly blows up. Hassan and his men dress up like ghosts. Olyra is rescued.

    Chapter 4, “House of Giants”: Battle & co track Hassan to a castle in Tibet, where they are captured and subjected to a shrink ray. They have various adventures as tiny men before resuming their original size. Olyra is kidnapped.

    I would call Hassan himself… an average amount of racist. He’s depicted in much the same generically foreign vein as I’ve seen in a South American president or a Basque fisherman (or indeed a Cape Breton fisherman at least once). As a villain, he’s pretty great: bombastic, treacherous, fond of leaving boastful notes for his enemies. If it was just him I might have skipped making this a Problematic Round-Up entry.

    It’s not just him, however, and once the story hits Chapter 5, “Magic Spell of the Arabian Nights” we get a real dose of Orientalism full in the face, as our heroes touch down in a Baghdad straight out of the Arabian Nights, complete with a wicked ruler (confusingly named Emperor Pasha Golu) who Hassan has been working for the whole time.

    It’s such a pastiche of a city, in fact, that Hale and Olyra just kind of stumble across Aladdin’s lamp and flying carpet while they are escaping from a dungeon. I suppose that all this is at least a little thematically appropriate, as Ali Hassan, the Modern Thief of Bagdad, is a reference to a movie that is a remake of a different movie that is itself a pastiche of the Arabian Nights.

    The Modern Thief of Bagdad meets his end in a pretty underwhelming manner: Captain Battle ducks as he swings a sword at him and he falls off of a balcony. A pretty terrible way to go for a villain who clearly thought that he was very cool, to be honest. The evil Pash Golu also meets his end in the process, leaving Olyra free to reveal that she is actually Olyria, Princess and true ruler of Bagdad. A truly impenetrable alias! 

    Finally, such is Hale Battle’s hunger for souvenirs that he uses his third genie with to acquire a replica of the diamond for his collection, even though for my money the real deal Lamp of Aladdin with one wish left on it would be the ultimate keepsake. (Captain Battle Comics 002, 1941)

    the King:

    The King is a fellow who gains control over a Romani group by showing them a… birthmark? tattoo? that proves his right to rule and that looks so intensely falsifiable that I am shocked there isn’t some sort two-factor authentication, or even a code phrase. And just what is is reason for exerting this control? Why, so that he can turn his new subjects into a child kidnapping ring. You can see how I would consider this problematic.

    The King is of course not the real ruler, that is not a real skull birthmark and he is no match for Dynamic Man. He turns out to be a crooked newspaper publisher named Brower who loves money more than making good plans to acquire it. (Dynamic Comics 002, 1941)

    the Dragon:

    The Dragon is a very ordinary Yellow Peril villain who is after some top secret bomber plans on behalf of an unspecified Asian nation. There are exactly four interesting things about him: 1) he is the first villain faced by Samson and David in their brief New Look era before they disappear along with most of Fox Features’ other characters during their financial trouble. 2) he is a classic calling card leaver in the form of a claw mark on the chests of men he has killed

     3) he works alongside his sister Orchid, which isn’t the rarest arrangement but is always fun to note

     4) he has these stone lions outside of his HQ that grab intruders as they come through. It’s a fun trap but never actually explained: are they some sort of mechanism, or demonic magic like the caption box suggests?

    Much of the issue in questioned is concerned with Samson chasing the Dragon and Orchid around. Once he catches up to them it’s all over. (Fantastic Comics 022, 1941)

  • PROBLEMATIC ROUND-UP 008

    Once again I must regretfully inform you that some comic books are problematic. Like, racially.

    the Laughing Hyenas: 

    Hey, it’s our first racial hate group, and I think I’m just going to preemptively file these under “problematic” because they’re a) not fun to talk about and b) necessitate talking about hate-crimes even if I, for example, choose not to use the panels with lynchings in them.

    The Laughing Hyenas are actually kind of a hate group by proxy, as they have been hired to keep the Black residents of the geographically-nonspecific town of Souda “in line” by murdering one of them every once in a while, and have been doing so frequently enough and/or long enough that even the local folks willing to volunteer for such a task have gotten sick of it, so boss Bull Karson had to import some Chicago toughguys to do his dirty work for him.

    Oddly, given the sheer volume of murder that the Laughing Hyenas were perpetrating, the Silver Streak doesn’t actually bring them in to the authorities ore even extra-judiciously kill them. Instead, he just dumps them on a slow boat to Rangoon. (Silver Streak Comics 013, 1941)

    the Modern Thief of Bagdad:

    Ali Hassan, aka the Modern Thief of Bagdad, is an Iraqi thief who comes to NYC to steal the Konoor Diamond, and as a result comes into conflict with Captain Battle and his young protege Hale Battle. A simple story that would ordinarily wrap up quite quickly, but this is a book-length yarn, which means that there is an extended chase sequence that occupies the 28 pages between the theft and Hassan’s arrival back in Baghdad. Some highlights:

    Chapter 1, “The Modern Thief of Bagdad!”: Hassan steals the gem, then give Battle and Hale the slip in Chinatown. Olyra, the mysterious guardian of the Konoor Diamond, is kidnapped.

    Chapter 2, “Perils of the Sargasso Sea!”: Hassan’s submarine becomes mired in sargassum and is attacked by a sea monster. Battle and Hale kill the beast. Hassan and his men dress up like ghost pirates. Olyra is rescued and then kidnapped again.

    Chapter 3, “Lost in the Underground World!”: Hassan’s plane crashes in Africa and he and Olyra are captured by cannibals (lil’ bonus racism for you there). Battle and Hale rescue them before being betrayed and dumped in a pit of quicksand. There is a brief interlude in an cave system full of monsters before it suddenly blows up. Hassan and his men dress up like ghosts. Olyra is rescued.

    Chapter 4, “House of Giants”: Battle & co track Hassan to a castle in Tibet, where they are captured and subjected to a shrink ray. They have various adventures as tiny men before resuming their original size. Olyra is kidnapped.

    I would call Hassan himself… an average amount of racist. He’s depicted in much the same generically foreign vein as I’ve seen in a South American president or a Basque fisherman (or indeed a Cape Breton fisherman at least once). As a villain, he’s pretty great: bombastic, treacherous, fond of leaving boastful notes for his enemies. If it was just him I might have skipped making this a Problematic Round-Up entry.

    It’s not just him, however, and once the story hits Chapter 5, “Magic Spell of the Arabian Nights” we get a real dose of Orientalism full in the face, as our heroes touch down in a Baghdad straight out of the Arabian Nights, complete with a wicked ruler (confusingly named Emperor Pasha Golu) who Hassan has been working for the whole time.

    It’s such a pastiche of a city, in fact, that Hale and Olyra just kind of stumble across Aladdin’s lamp and flying carpet while they are escaping from a dungeon. I suppose that all this is at least a little thematically appropriate, as Ali Hassan, the Modern Thief of Bagdad, is a reference to a movie that is a remake of a different movie that is itself a pastiche of the Arabian Nights.

    The Modern Thief of Bagdad meets his end in a pretty underwhelming manner: Captain Battle ducks as he swings a sword at him and he falls off of a balcony. A pretty terrible way to go for a villain who clearly thought that he was very cool, to be honest. The evil Pash Golu also meets his end in the process, leaving Olyra free to reveal that she is actually Olyria, Princess and true ruler of Bagdad. A truly impenetrable alias! 

    Finally, such is Hale Battle’s hunger for souvenirs that he uses his third genie with to acquire a replica of the diamond for his collection, even though for my money the real deal Lamp of Aladdin with one wish left on it would be the ultimate keepsake. (Captain Battle Comics 002, 1941)

    the King:

    The King is a fellow who gains control over a Romani group by showing them a… birthmark? tattoo? that proves his right to rule and that looks so intensely falsifiable that I am shocked there isn’t some sort two-factor authentication, or even a code phrase. And just what is is reason for exerting this control? Why, so that he can turn his new subjects into a child kidnapping ring. You can see how I would consider this problematic.

    The King is of course not the real ruler, that is not a real skull birthmark and he is no match for Dynamic Man. He turns out to be a crooked newspaper publisher named Brower who loves money more than making good plans to acquire it. (Dynamic Comics 002, 1941)

    the Dragon:

    The Dragon is a very ordinary Yellow Peril villain who is after some top secret bomber plans on behalf of an unspecified Asian nation. There are exactly four interesting things about him: 1) he is the first villain faced by Samson and David in their brief New Look era before they disappear along with most of Fox Features’ other characters during their financial trouble. 2) he is a classic calling card leaver in the form of a claw mark on the chests of men he has killed

     3) he works alongside his sister Orchid, which isn’t the rarest arrangement but is always fun to note

     4) he has these stone lions outside of his HQ that grab intruders as they come through. It’s a fun trap but never actually explained: are they some sort of mechanism, or demonic magic like the caption box suggests?

    Much of the issue in questioned is concerned with Samson chasing the Dragon and Orchid around. Once he catches up to them it’s all over. (Fantastic Comics 022, 1941)

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 955: THE YELLOW SPOT

    (Dynamic Comics 001, 1941)

    Scientists across the US are going missing, kidnapped by  the magical madman known as the Yellow Spot!

    This brain-draining crime spree inspires the magical scholar Professor Moore to create the super-hero Dynamic Man, which in turn inspires the Yellow Spot to murder Professor Moore. He is just a wee bit too late, however, and instead of preventing the creation of Dynamic Man he merely provides him with a bit of extra motivation in the form of a dying father figure.

    But just why is the Yellow Spot after these men of science? Why, to push back against the death of superstition (very funny in retrospect, as in out world the avowed hyper-rationalism of the 40s and 50s gave way to the mystic syncretism of the 60s and ultimately to the proud anti-science of today). He’s got a machine that shrinks a man’s head and renders him like unto a child, and presumably he plans to keep on shrinking heads until it has an effect on the global scientific consensus.

    Dynamic Man shows up just in time to witness a head shrinking, and while it looks to be a pretty uneven contest at first, he is captured in a net made of woven black magic (very cool) that can only be cut using a knife “forged from the bones of a dying murderer” (even cooler, if hard to imagine).

    The thing about a net that can only be cut by a special knife is that it’s only as effective as your ability to keep that knife away from your prisoner, and I would argue that leaving it unattended on a table in the same room as the prisoner while a bunch of easily suggestible man-children wander around is tantamount to just handing it over. Which is a long-winded way of saying that Dynamic Man gets free with the help of a headshrunken scientist and starts beating up the Yellow Spot’s men.

    The Yellow Spot makes a break for it, but in an eleventh hour bit of plot contrivance it turns out that his bat form (i.e., the main way he gets around) is also the only form in which he can be harmed, and as it flies slower than Dynamic Man, he ends up as a flat bat. Personally, I would sacrifice a bit of convenience to avoid being squashed on the wing like this, but then again I am not an insane magic man.

    Finally, I would like to highlight the Yellow Spot’s minions, a bunch of low-grade monster men who he calls the Hideous Ones at least once. Particularly that last fellow, who I swear has half a mustache. A bold choice!

    Categorized in: Abstract Concepts (Shapes), Colours (Yellow), Origins (Henchmen)

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 955: THE YELLOW SPOT

    (Dynamic Comics 001, 1941)

    Scientists across the US are going missing, kidnapped by  the magical madman known as the Yellow Spot!

    This brain-draining crime spree inspires the magical scholar Professor Moore to create the super-hero Dynamic Man, which in turn inspires the Yellow Spot to murder Professor Moore. He is just a wee bit too late, however, and instead of preventing the creation of Dynamic Man he merely provides him with a bit of extra motivation in the form of a dying father figure.

    But just why is the Yellow Spot after these men of science? Why, to push back against the death of superstition (very funny in retrospect, as in out world the avowed hyper-rationalism of the 40s and 50s gave way to the mystic syncretism of the 60s and ultimately to the proud anti-science of today). He’s got a machine that shrinks a man’s head and renders him like unto a child, and presumably he plans to keep on shrinking heads until it has an effect on the global scientific consensus.

    Dynamic Man shows up just in time to witness a head shrinking, and while it looks to be a pretty uneven contest at first, he is captured in a net made of woven black magic (very cool) that can only be cut using a knife “forged from the bones of a dying murderer” (even cooler, if hard to imagine).

    The thing about a net that can only be cut by a special knife is that it’s only as effective as your ability to keep that knife away from your prisoner, and I would argue that leaving it unattended on a table in the same room as the prisoner while a bunch of easily suggestible man-children wander around is tantamount to just handing it over. Which is a long-winded way of saying that Dynamic Man gets free with the help of a headshrunken scientist and starts beating up the Yellow Spot’s men.

    The Yellow Spot makes a break for it, but in an eleventh hour bit of plot contrivance it turns out that his bat form (i.e., the main way he gets around) is also the only form in which he can be harmed, and as it flies slower than Dynamic Man, he ends up as a flat bat. Personally, I would sacrifice a bit of convenience to avoid being squashed on the wing like this, but then again I am not an insane magic man.

    Finally, I would like to highlight the Yellow Spot’s minions, a bunch of low-grade monster men who he calls the Hideous Ones at least once. Particularly that last fellow, who I swear has half a mustache. A bold choice!

    Categorized in: Abstract Concepts (Shapes), Colours (Yellow), Origins (Henchmen)

  • MINOR SUPER-HERO ROUND-UP 089

    Just when you think that there couldn’t be any more super-heroes, another batch appears.

    Major Victory:

    After an unnamed soldier stationed at US Army Camp Courage dies in an attempt to prevent the camp’s arsenal from being bombed, his body is hauled away by angelic figures and ushered into the presence of a star-spangled old man.

    This, it turns out, is Father Patriot, a new and legally distinct anthropomorphic personification of the spirit of the United States. Were the folks at Chesler concerned about using Uncle Sam due to the fact that Quality Comics was already doing so? Perhaps! Regardless of his origin, Father Patriot revives the soldier as an exemplar of the self-sacrificing military hero. Unusually for a character who has been restored to life by a mystical force, Major Victory (as he is dubbed) does not come back with any powers but is instead gifted with a costume, an airfield base complete with high-powered radio receiver and an airplane and just told to have at it.

    Major Victory is not entirely without supernatural enhancement, however: if he’s ever in a big enough jam then Father Patriot can ring the Liberty Bell to give him a rush of strength sufficient to snap a steel chain.  (Dynamic Comics 001, 1941)

    Categorized in: Generica (Majors), Origin (Patriotic Heroes), Origin (Resurrected)

    Dynamic Man:

    I’m really kicking myself here. Back when I started this blog I was focusing on super-villains and only really talking about the weirder super-heroes, and while I eventually realized my error and started talking about every super-hero at least a little (hence the round-up framework – if I only have a small amount to say about any one hero there are three more to bulk out the post) I’m still playing catch-up. This is all to say that if I’d done things right to start with I’d already have an entry on the Marvel Comics Dynamic Man to point to instead of an assertion that one is coming up in a few month when Mystic Comics comes back around in my reading list.

    This is especially galling because both the Marvel and the Chesler Dynamic Mans are androids who emerge from their birthing tubes as their creators are dying in front of them. This is a fun coincidence, probably! There are of course plenty of differences between the two: the Chesler Dynamic Man is created specifically to combat the villainous Yellow Spot, while the Marvel one is more of an exercise in creation for its own sake. Chesler Dynamic Man is also possibly a magical construct rather than a humanoid robot. My evidence for this amounts to the fact that he was created by “authority on ancient black magic” Dr Moore, who talks about giving him “the power of steel, the speed of an eagle and the wisdom of the sages,” which is pretty poetic if you’re talking about an android and might be literal if you’re growing some sort of super-homunculus.

    Dynamic Man is a hero of the Superman variety, with the powers of flight, super strength and a general invulnerability to harm. He also wears these gloves that I find very distracting – sure, that long point that extends up the forearm is an interesting addition to the costume, but how does it stay in place? Does Dynamic Man have to apply a little spirit gum to his arm every time he gets dressed?

    Finally, Dynamic Man flies with every limb maximally akimbo, and continues to do so throughout his super-heroic career. It’s honestly kind of charming. (Dynamic Comics 001, 1941)

    Categorized in: Generica (Mans), Language (Superlatives – Dynamic), Origins (Magical Constructs)

    Hale the Magician:

    It’s 1541 and the young Englishman Hale (no first name given) and his father are the only two good – though still fairly racist – Europeans in South America and thus object to the brutal treatment of the indigenous peoples by the Spanish. They head up into the mountains to pledge their support to Chief Xingu of the Maoni Indians and soon find themselves locked in battle with a group of angry conquistadors. It’s a short-lived battle, as Xingu reveals himself to be a master of science and magic by producing a lightning storm from his spear. The Spanish sensibly flee, but not before killing Hale Sr.

    Thanks to his selfless heroism (and after passing a series of challenges), Hale the Younger is essentially adopted by Xingu, who teaches his new ward all the technomagical secrets of the Maoni. Together, they create the Magic Spearhead, an artifact that contains the sum of all those powers, but before they can test it out Hale is struck down by a jealous rival. Xingu places Hale’s body in a special tomb with the promise that he will return to life one day

    Cut to 1941, the prophesied time of Hale’s revival, and scientist Henry Starrett and his daughter Lois are on-hand to witness the grand event. After waiting for months, they run out of food and Starrett makes the oafish decision to smash open the tomb with a big stick. This vandalism must have been part of the prophecy, because smashing the tomb kills Starrett and restores Hale to life in what is possibly some sort of inadvertent sacrifice.

    Thanks to the Magic Spearhead, Hale has all of the limitless power of his fellows in the fraternity of comic book magicians and he returns to the States with Lois to use those powers for the good of mankind. In an extremely frustrating development, Hale never sees fit to attach the Magic Spearhead to a spear body, making it more like a weird magic knife, but maybe it’s just me and nobody else is bothered by this. I mean, Xingu had his magic coming out of a full-sized spear, Hale. (Dynamic Comics 001, 1941)

    Categorized in: Accessories (Spears), Magical Professions (Magicians), Origins (Resurrected)

    the Black Cobra:

    The Black Cobra is a standard unit of costumed vigilante. In day-to-day life he is Jim Hornsby, son and office clerk of District Attorney Hornsby, but when danger looms he suits up and starts slinging fists. It’s not a great costume, mind you, both because it’s too busy and, importantly not black. Plus I checked out his other appearances and that is the best that that cowl is ever going to look.

    The Black Cobra also has the one variation on the meek alter ego that is more grating than the disappointed love interest: the emotionally abusive disappointed parent. Hornsby Senior in contention for Worst Father in Comics. (Dynamic Comics 001, 1941)

    Categorized in: Animals (Cobras), Colours (Black), Day Jobs (Clerks)

  • MAD AND CRIMINAL SCIENTIST ROUND-UP 005

    Just a little crypto-fascist saboteur named Dr Vee who battled Dynamic Man but I like his name and I like his style. His sartorial style. Not the fascism. (Mystic v1 002, 1940)

    Lemo here has a mechanical mole-style tank and reckons he can take over the world with it after almost destroying one (1) circus tent. It’s a good thing he was blown up by one of Marvel’s many Herculeses before he could get too far and get disappointed. (Mystic Comics v1 004, 1940)

    This fellow, known only as the Mystery Man, has been working on the problem of how to counter snipers in warfare, and the scheme that he has come up with involves breeding up vicious wolf-dogs, training them to hate a particular smell and then applying that smell to the shoes of enemy combatants so that the dogs hunt and kill them. There’s a slight problem with this plan that the two crypto-fascist gentlemen that he’s trying to sell this system to don’t seem to come on to, even when he offers to sell them the scent and the dogs and doesn’t mention offering a dedicated group of scent-applying agents (or maybe he had some smaller dogs trained to do the job and he was going to upsell them later).

    The Mystery Man only gets caught because he has been picking up hitchhiking college students and using them to train the dogs and the person responsible for their safety is friends with giant super-hero Mighty Man and long story short the Mystery Man gets eaten by dogs. (Amazing-Man Comics 009, 1940)

    This here unnamed fella has a four-step plan: 

    1. Capture the Iron Skull 

    2. Inject the Iron Skull with a serum that turns him completely to iron

    3. Inject his iron blood into robots to make them alive somehow

    4. Profit

    Steps 1 and 2 go fine but as seen above a major flaw in the plan is that the Iron Skull is now more powerful and mops the floor with his erstwhile captor. The robots don’t even show up! (Amazing-Man Comics 015, 1940)

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 463: PROFESSOR MONTE

    (Mystic Comics v1 004, 1940)

    Professor Monte is the type of criminal scientist that I want to see in more comics: he has an idea (develop a gold-attracting magnet and use it to steal gold), he secures funding from crooked businessman Prentiss, he tests his device with a series of jewelry store robberies before scaling up to using the big dirigible-mounted model… he has a plan, in other words, rather than a vague idea of how they’re going to take over Newark using their amazing new food additive or gun that fires grass seed.

    And the plan pays off! Professor Monte robs Fort Knox and gets away with it! All he has to do is lie low and he and Prentiss and all his goons are set for life!

    But of course that is too much to ask. Professor Monte is, after all, a criminal scientist and they are not known for their restraint. He is determined to rob the Bank of England as well, and comes close to doing so before running up against the fact that not only is London unusually well prepared for an aerial invasion at the time but that Dynamic Man is on his tail. Ultimately it comes down to electric blast vs hydrogen gas and the hydrogen gas always loses.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 461: THE HOOD

    (Mystic Comics v1 003, 1940)

    The Hood is a dude in a sheet ghost costume who is seemingly the head of an extortion gang targeting bankers and ruthlessly killing any who defy him. And perhaps you’ve noted that “seemingly” and are wondering what it could mean. Well,

    This ruthless banker-murderer… is actually a banker! He’s Willard Thomas and his extortion scheme was a front for a murder scheme that would have left him, the last banker standing, holding the keys to some sort of joint banker bank account. This is an okay plan! I’m not sure what the dismount was going to be because Dynamic Man beat him up before he managed to kill all other local bankers but the Hood definitely put more thought into things than a lot of the jamokes one here.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 456: KING BASCOM

    (Mystic Comics v1 001, 1940)

    King Bascom, the first foe faced by Dynamic Man, is nothing more than a grubby little capitalist pig. I almost forgot to write him and his land-grab scheme up due to disinterest.

    Trouble is, while King Bascom is utterly uninteresting he is cocooned in a dense shell of interesting things: his land grab is aided by a drought that he himself is causing using a rain-prevention machine, he has anti-Dymanic Man weaponry and a deathtrap that involves both a descending ceiling and a flood of liquid nitrogen, he’s a traitor and a scumbag and a sneering pompous ass and yet I can’t bring myself to care about him enough to finish writing this.