The Curse of Skeleton Munroe

Category: murderer

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 671: THE ERASER GANG

    (Masked Marvel 002, 1940)

    The Eraser Gang, aka the Erasers, aka the Dead Erasers, are a gang with a gimmick: they don’t just hijack armoured cars, they make the cars and their occupants disappear completely, to the consternation of the authorities.

    But just why do they do this? It’s never actually spelled out but as the Masked Marvel discovers when he is captured by them their actual weapon of choice is not a dissolving ray or a powerful acid but a deadly gas. Presumably disappearing the bodies and the scene of the crime using a powerful helicopter hoist was a way of keeping the authorities from learning that all they needed was a few gas masks to kibosh the entire operation.

    Unluckily for the Erasers, the Masked Marvel has rendered himself “impervious to all gasses” and so is able to escape and blow all or most of them to kingdom come.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 661: THE GUY WHO SHOT BATMAN’S PARENTS

    (Detective Comics 033, 1939)

    Can’t believe that I didn’t think of this before but The Guy Who Shot Batman’s Parents a) should already be here and b) is representative of a class of plot devices I’ll be calling Narrative Footballs. Narrative Footballs are big pivotal events, usually related to a character’s origin in some way, that get more and more significant over time and eventually become something that can be pinned to a villain in order to lend them a bit of gravitas. Sometimes they don’t even start out as the actions of a person: while the the Explosion of Krypton eventually becomes a very popular item on various villains’ C.V.s, it isn’t even blamed on Kryptonian society for the first decade or so. 

    The Guy Who Shot Batman’s Parents is just a guy until 1948, when he is identified as Joe Chill. I think he’s mostly Joe Chill still, but sometimes he’s the Joker (Batman (1989)) or Joe Chill was working for a big bad guy etc etc. I have no evidence here but I’ll bet a dollar that there’s a comic somewhere where it turns out that Ra’s al Ghul was behind it.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 658: THE ANT WOMAN

    (Jungle Comics 005, 1940) 

    Conceptually, I love the Ant Woman, a ruthless bandit who lives in a giant anthill and sends swarms of venomous ants out to kill and loot for her. I particularly love her little ant tiara – is it the source of her preternatural ability to control the beasts? I cannot say for they did not go into that. 

    (these pics are a bit more racist than I usually go for but they really front loaded it on this one. Just one of the reasons that jungle comics are inferior to other comic genres)

    The Ant Woman makes a solid go of trying to dispose of the Red Panther but he ultimately gets the upper hand by the simple method of setting her anthills on fire and once again the old saying is proven true: you live by the swarm of venomous ants; you die by the swarm of venomous ants.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 657: THE SCIENTIST

    MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 657: THE SCIENTIST

    (Jungle Comics 004, 1940)

    The Scientist (no other name given) is a man with a very comic book plan: develop a serum capable of giving gorillas superhuman intelligence, do so to a population of the particularly huge Gorgon Gorillas, and use the resulting army to conquer the world, presumably after a period of rapid gorilla breeding.

    Though the Scientist is a compelling villain in his own right (he is a world-class asshole, for example, like all the best bad guys), the stars of this adventure are absolutely the Gorgon Gorillas, who for example respond to a gorilla call by marching single-file through the jungle beating their chests until they just kind of topple into a pit trap.

    The post-enhancement gorgons are even better, as they exhibit a range of amazing facial expressions from “benignly intelligent” to “absolutely fucking mental” depending on input from the Scientist.

    As is her prerogative, Fantomah waits to step in to the situation until the crisis point, in this case the Scientist ordering his gorilla army to scour human life from the face to the jungle. Alas, he learns too late that the old adage is true: you live by the army of demonized gorillas, you die by the army of demonized gorillas.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 652: THE GRIM CIRCLE

    (Green Mask v1 001, 1940)

    The Grim Circle! A mysterious hooded group responsible not only for killing the Green Mask’s father but also for causing the injury that leads to the creation of the Green Mask himself! And the creation of Domino the Miracle Boy a bit later in the issue! Truly they are the engines of their own destruction.

    SIDE NOTE: Criminals targeting politicians for introducing tough-on-crime legislation is a trope in various media to this very day. I have no doubt that it has a TVtropes entry. Normally such laws are so vaguely laid out in the text of the story they appear in as to essentially be “we’re making crime illegal again,” but Senator Shelby’s Mandatory Death Sentence for All Gang Members Bill is legitimately insane and while I don’t condone murder maybe it is overall a good thing that he no longer has a hand in making laws.

    Weirdly, I don’t actually think that the Grim Circle are a gang. They’re a group, certainly, but all of their activities seem to be in aid at a sort of freelance espionage situation. That’s more of a conspiracy. And espionage is already very illegal!

    The Grim Circle’s major project is to draw the US into WWII and to that end they’ve recruited Igor, a mad scientist with a super artillery cannon, to help them blow up some peace talks. Needless to say, the Green Mask doesn’t let this happen and in fact kills the whole lot of them via explosion.

    John Sebastion, a financier tangentially connected to some of the Circle’s crimes, is eventually revealed to be the head of the group, perhaps because he claims to have been released after the Green Mask killed everyone but the leader. The huge Grim Circle forearm tattoo might also have been a clue.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 652: THE GRIM CIRCLE

    (Green Mask v1 001, 1940)

    The Grim Circle! A mysterious hooded group responsible not only for killing the Green Mask’s father but also for causing the injury that leads to the creation of the Green Mask himself! And the creation of Domino the Miracle Boy a bit later in the issue! Truly they are the engines of their own destruction.

    SIDE NOTE: Criminals targeting politicians for introducing tough-on-crime legislation is a trope in various media to this very day. I have no doubt that it has a TVtropes entry. Normally such laws are so vaguely laid out in the text of the story they appear in as to essentially be “we’re making crime illegal again,” but Senator Shelby’s Mandatory Death Sentence for All Gang Members Bill is legitimately insane and while I don’t condone murder maybe it is overall a good thing that he no longer has a hand in making laws.

    Weirdly, I don’t actually think that the Grim Circle are a gang. They’re a group, certainly, but all of their activities seem to be in aid at a sort of freelance espionage situation. That’s more of a conspiracy. And espionage is already very illegal!

    The Grim Circle’s major project is to draw the US into WWII and to that end they’ve recruited Igor, a mad scientist with a super artillery cannon, to help them blow up some peace talks. Needless to say, the Green Mask doesn’t let this happen and in fact kills the whole lot of them via explosion.

    John Sebastion, a financier tangentially connected to some of the Circle’s crimes, is eventually revealed to be the head of the group, perhaps because he claims to have been released after the Green Mask killed everyone but the leader. The huge Grim Circle forearm tattoo might also have been a clue.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 647: THE MONK

    (Fight Comics 008, 1940)

    I like to criticize scientist-villains a lot for their limited vision, for their inability to see the legitimate money-making options they have after inventing say a super-efficient tunnel digging machine that they view solely as a way to rob banks easily. The Monk is the opposite of that kind of guy, I reckon.

    (brief aside about the name: this is not in reference to the religious calling but rather the old-school, now-defunct gangster nickname, where “Monk” is short for “monkey”. Which seems like a thing that actual people did do at one point? Call monkeys monks? I only have comic book dialogue to go by, so what do I know)

    The Monk and his gang have developed an advanced rocket artillery that can deliver a high explosive shell at great distance. A great start! Not the most ethical thing that you could spend your time inventing but sure to sell! The only problem is that a) the shells won’t explode unless a lever inside them is pulled while en route and b) the Monk is either unwilling or unable to come up with a second solution after “load each shell with a captured lumberjack” proves successful.

    I mean, using a human does work, I’ll give him that, but even as a non-weapons designer I can spot a couple of flaws: 1) you are artificially limiting your customer base to evil governments willing to spend either their own troops or a constant supply of political prisoners to arm their weaponry and 2) even the most heinous and bloodthirsty warmonger will eventually wonder just what guarantee they have that every person will pull the lever. And sure, you could develop a system to brainwash lumberjacks or a method of remotely compelling arm motion but at that point why not just build a got-danged timing mechanism?

    It is at this point that we must acknowledge that this has been an academic discussion, as the Monk’s greatest mistake was capturing Big Red McLane (Fletcher Hanks’ third or fourth best character but one dedicated mostly to low-stakes lumberjack gangsterism) and so gets fatally punched off of a cliff. Be more careful next time, Monk! And buy a book on lateral thinking or something, sheeesh.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 645: SNEELY

    (Fight Comics 004, 1940)

    Kinks Mason is deep sea fishing with some friend when one of them lands a swordfish that is covered in gold and jewels! Just where did these riches come from? The answer is unguessable!

    Upon reaching the ocean floor, Kinks discovers that the swordfish was covered in pirate gold, and furthermore, he finds the pirate! Sneely (Pirate Terror of the Seven Seas, the Great, the Magnificent) is an old-time pirate who claims that he drank a magic potion that allowed him to live seemingly indefinitely underwater and who guards his ill-gotten treasure both personally and with a school of trained swordfish. Is attaining near-immortality and then spending it guarding a pile of shiny metal that only has value if you actually spend it on something a huge waste? Indeed it is! It’s absolute dragon behaviour is what it is.

    Sneely is exactly the kind of weird wild completely un-fleshed-out villain that you get for a character like Kinks Mason who a) isn’t one of the real top-tier guys in the book he appears in and b) has a niche role. Every issue, Kinks dives into the ocean for 5 to 8 pages and he has to find a challenge to overcome down there and sometimes it’s a, immortal amphibious pirate with the world’s most Xtreme Hoarding Problem. 

    Probably the best thing about Sneely is the one that never got capitalized on: that he’s seemingly still alive at the end of the story, as Kinks Mason just konks him on the head with a thighbone before making off with the treasure. And while an immortal amphibious pirate squatting on a pile of gold at the bottom of the ocean is a bit of an underwhelming idea for a comic book, an immortal amphibious pirate who Wants His Treasure Back is a cool recurring enemy. I say BRING BACK Sneely, in concept if not as an actual character.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 636: THE SERPENT LADY

    (Fantastic Comics 012, 1940)

    We open on Mephisto, the Dreaded Poison Serpent, attacking a small boat and making off with its inhabitants. For a split second I am excited – maybe this is our long-sought criminal animal! – but then I remember the lessons I learned from Cephalopoda the Octopus and rein myself in.

    And it’s a good thing I did, for Mephisto is a mere tool of the mysterious Serpent Lady, who lives in a golden city in an undersea cave and rules over a population of bald creeps who need blood to live. Maybe? It’s possible that they just like blood. Either way, this is why she has been using her cool snake to kidnap surface dwellers: their delicious blood.

    Sub Saunders will not stand for blood theft in his god-given ocean. He slays Mephisto and a fair few bald-headed creeps but leaves the Serpent Lady alive and at liberty. Will she be returning? I read ahead a bit and yes she will!

    UPDATE 1941

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 636: THE SERPENT LADY

    MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 636: THE SERPENT LADY

    (Fantastic Comics 012, 1940)

    We open on Mephisto, the Dreaded Poison Serpent, attacking a small boat and making off with its inhabitants. For a split second I am excited – maybe this is our long-sought criminal animal! – but then I remember the lessons I learned from Cephalopoda the Octopus and rein myself in.

    And it’s a good thing I did, for Mephisto is a mere tool of the mysterious Serpent Lady, who lives in a golden city in an undersea cave and rules over a population of bald creeps who need blood to live. Maybe? It’s possible that they just like blood. Either way, this is why she has been using her cool snake to kidnap surface dwellers: their delicious blood.

    Sub Saunders will not stand for blood theft in his god-given ocean. He slays Mephisto and a fair few bald-headed creeps but leaves the Serpent Lady alive and at liberty. Will she be returning? I read ahead a bit and yes she will!

    UPDATE 1941