The Curse of Skeleton Munroe

Category: minor super-villain

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 879: THE DARK ANGEL

    (Spy Smasher 001, 1941)

    We’ve entered 1941 and the crypto-fascist spies are getting closer and closer to being just plain old Nazis. Case in point: the Dark Angel, a classic femme fatale spy with just enough plausible deniability to satisfy comics’ compulsion to stay just barely technically politically neutral. 

    The Dark Angel’s name might be straight out of the mid-90s but her plans are 1941 all the way down. As the story opens she is sending two of her men to blow up a bridge and a factory and a bunch of soldiers, never imagining that Spy Smasher already has a comfortable vantage point to watch her give orders and thus is perfectly able to foil her schemes.

    Not one to wallow in defeat, the Dark Angel manages to turn the tables on Spy Smasher by discovering his secret identity* of Allan Armstrong and ambushing him in his own home. It’s honestly an impressive feat for a first-time-on-the-page villain!

    *well, technically one of her minions goes out and discovers it but if “employing competent henchmen” isn’t a key skill that many villains lack then what is it.

    A combination of sadism and unrequited love/lust inspires the Dark Angel to keep Spy Smasher alive with the knowledge that she and her men are off to assassinate the President rather than execute him immediately. Unfortunately for her/ luckily for Spy Smasher, she isn’t completely infallible in her choices of henchmen, as seen in the person of chosen Spy Smasher guard Fritzy, a drunken oaf who passes out almost immediately and whose body furnishes Spy Smasher with the knife he needs in order to escape.

    Though the Dark Angel and her guys get inside the White House with shocking ease, only to find not Franklin Delano Roosevelt but Spy Alan Smasher sitting in the President’s official comfy chair. Dark Angel and her guys are swiftly rounded up and chucked in jail and the fact that she and at least one of the guys knows his secret identity is just kind of ignored.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 878: MR NIMBUS

    (Zip Comics 009, 1940)

    Mr Nimbus is a simple kind of crook: he has developed or otherwise acquired a liquid that creates a corrosive green gas and he is going to use that to kill people and steal riches from them. No dreams of world domination, no grand designs, just good old fashioned murder and robbery. But also no especial care taken, as he leaves behind a very big clue to the location of his next crime for the Scarlet Avenger and his Operative 1, Inez Courtney to find.

    Mr Nimbus dutifully shows up to gas the Metropolitan Opera House and steal all of the jewellery on display in the audience, but thanks to his carelessness the Scarlet Avenger is there to prevent any rich people from getting killed. Too bad about the performers, though. The downside to being a simple kind of crook, I guess, is that you are also quite predictable.  

    Everything comes to head on the Opera House roof, from which Mr Nimbus takes what should be a fatal fall, only to be missing when the Scarlet Avenger checks for his body, like a proverbial Michael Myers. Look out for him in the 1941 run of Zip Comics! Will my whole “simple guy” thesis hold up? Who knows!

    (Mr Nimbus also has a cool hypnotic ring but it didn’t fit the narrative I was building about him being a simple, one-trick villain. The thesis was already flawed) 

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 877: TWISTO THE RUBBER MAN

    (Zip Comics 009, 1940) 

    The Tingling Bros Circus is in trouble! Someone has been killing the performers, mid-act, with throwing knives, and it has caused enough financial disruption to the show that owner Jack Tingling is on the verge of bankruptcy!

    As you might have surmised from the fact that this entry is about him, the person responsible for the murders is sideshow attraction Twisto the Rubber Man, and we’ll get to his motivations in a second because they are one of two notable things about him. First, though, we must take note of the other notable thing: his powers. According to his own patter he was born with them, which I suppose makes him some sort of mutant. Whatever the reason, he is able to stretch and twist his body to a superhuman degree, as if he were completely boneless. He doesn’t seem to be able to extend his limbs at will, but his fist does continue travelling under its own momentum to sock new Steel Sterling sidekick Loony in the head in the above panel. He is also able to mould his face into a new shape as if it were made of putty – all in all, he’s a much more limited version of stretching characters like the soon-to-debut Plastic Man.

    But just why did Twisto do all of those murders? Why to drive down the value of the circus so that he can buy it, make his lion-taming wife Lilli a star and grow rich, of course! It’s a foolproof plan, spoiled only by the fact that Lilli considers it “bad” and “wrong” and “illegal” to murder her friends and coworkers for a shot at the big-time.

    Having been rejected by the woman that he loves over a few measly murders, Twisto has a bit of a mental break and turns to the only solution he knows: more murders. First on the agenda is Lilli, whose big cat act he sabotages by giving the beasts a taste of his own blood, thus transforming them into uncontrollable man-eaters (this is one of those tropes that crops up a fair amount, that an animal, once it tastes human blood, can’t stop craving it. Is it true? No idea). 

    At this point, Twisto is so deep in the murder hole (not to mention probably a bit light headed from all that missing blood) that he kind of talks himself into becoming a serial killer by extrapolating from “my beautiful, intelligent wife rejected me because of the crimes I did” to “all beautiful, intelligent women are my enemies and must die.” He almost starts his misogynistic murder spree with Steel Sterling love interest Dora Cummings, but is stopped by the timely intervention of Steel himself.

    Twisto’s progressive mental break continues: his murderous mania transitions into a childlike passivity and he is led away to jail without issue. This isn’t the last you’ll see of ol’ Twisto the Rubber Man, however, as he seemingly snaps out it and escapes immediately after being left alone. We’ll see him again in 1941, presumably with a whole new range of criminal motivations.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 876: THE CULT OF ANKKAMAN

    (Zip Comics 006, 1940)

    Zambini the Miracle man is visiting his old friend the archaeologist Professor Lorenz when he learns that Lorenz is potentially filled with curse-energy thanks to an ancient tomb he violated. The Professor is dismissive of these concerns, even though both his daughter Greta and Zambini himself reckon that there might be something to them.

    Sure enough, the very instant that Zambini has left the Lorenz house, two members of the Cult of Ankkaman show up and kidnap Professor Lorenz, making use of the magical Doorway of King Ankkaman (one of the items that he brought back from his travels/ that the cult are angry about him making off with) to spirit him away. 

    Sensing trouble, Zambini returns and finds Greta Lorenz in a state of hypnotic paralysis thanks to the cultists’ magics. He frees her and they use the Doorway to follow.

    Now. There are exactly two things that got me excited about this particular entry, which is otherwise a pretty standard tale of a group objecting to the theft of their cultural objects from back when that was seen as unreasonable and villainous thing to do. The first of these is the fact that the Cult of Ankkaman comes from the country of Egyptasia, which I am 90% certain based on context clues is a country exactly like Egypt, only in Asia. Why set a story that could so very easily take place in regular old Egypt in this unnecessary new country you ask? Beats me, but it’s exactly the sort of weird comics thing that I love.

    The second thing is simply that Saki, the Cult’s magic user, does his spells Zatara-style, by speaking backward, and that the close proximity of this to Zambini’s “abbi dabbi” style of spellcasting really highlight just how silly both of these affectations are.

    Prof Lorenz is weirdly calm about being sacrificed to Ankkaman, which he rationalizes as some sort of extremely visceral research. Fortunately for the field of anthropology, Zambini shows up in time to ensure that he is able to publish this experience rather than perish due to it.

    Zambini, the Professor and Greta make their way back through the Doorway of Ankkaman, which Zambini then seals by the simple expedient of adding a door to the frame. The Professor is saved! Unless the cultists make their way back to his house via conventional travel, of course. 

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 875: THE RED CIRCLE

    (Zip Comics 006, 1940)

    As Nevada Jones and his pal Little Joe are passing through the town of Copper Bluffs one day, they find themselves smack in the middle of a criminal conspiracy: someone is murdering people as part of a scheme to buy up key portions of the town’s land before the railroad comes through town, and the sign that someone is about to be killed is that a red circle is painted on the shaving mug when they are visiting the town’s barber shop.

    Nevada does some snooping around and discovers an actual note from the mastermind behind the crime spree, signed with a red circle in a way that makes it clear that this is what he calls himself and I am not making things up in an effort to complete a “basic shapes” triumvirate with former minor super-hero the Red Triangle and a hypothetical third character called the Red Square who I must assume is some sort of Soviet super-agent.

    Given the barber shop-centric nature of the Red Circle’s activities it may come as little surprise when I reveal that the Red Circle turns out to be the kindly and helpful old sweeping man, who not only organized the whole thing but was using Nevada’s investigation to eliminate his partners and thus keep all of the money to himself. And he almost gets away with it, too! Ultimately, however, it turns out that he has brought a straight razor to a gun fight.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 874: MAGI

    MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 874: MAGI

    (Zip Comics 004, 1940)

    The villain for today is called Magi, and is the chief magic-user to a race of Mermen and Mermaids. Magi and his pal Torno have come to the surface world on a mission to retrieve the last descendant of the Mer-folk on land. Some notes:

    -Magi gets no small amount of points for recognizing Zambini as his greatest threat among the surface world people and moving to neutralize him in advance of the mission.

    -These points are lessened by the fact that Zambini manages to wake up mid-Eternal Sleep spell and turn it into a Long Nap spell instead.

    -Mary Reed, the last Mer-descendant on Earth, is somehow the key to making the Merfolk able to walk the land again, but just how this is to be achieved is never articulated. Does it have something to do with her being the only part-Mer human or have the Merfolk simply been procrastinating for generations?

    -The reason that the Merfolk can’t just walk up onto land may shock you: it’s not due to amphibiousness-related problems as you might expect but rather because they can’t see in daylight. Wild! 

    Magi and Torno successfully nab Mary Reed, but her savvy friends recruit Zambini (extremely refreshed from his long magic nap) to help rescue her. In addition to Mary’s friend Jean Sampson (cruelly institutionalized for reporting Mary’s abduction but sprung by Zambini) and Jean’s fiance Stanley Hamilton, they are accompanied by Hamilton’s friend and minor antagonist Paul Lloyd, whose lust for Merman gold is such that he attempts to murder Zambini for it while walking around on the bottom of the ocean in a Zambini-made air bubble that he has no hint will survive the magician’s death. If ever a man deserved magical punishment (specifically: having his arm turned into a fish fin) it is he.

    The rest of the adventure is a foregone conclusion, considering that Magi was not quite powerful enough to overcome Zambini while the latter was in deep REM sleep. After some magical spankings and a round of apologies, the humans are off to the surface while the Merfolk city is spared further wizardly wrath. Even Paul Lloyd gets his regular arm back though he doesn’t deserve it, the jerk.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 873: SATAN

    (Zip Comics 003, 1940)

    Zambini (the Miracle Man) is on his first vacation in years and Satan, presuming that his guard will be down or that he left his magic amulet at home I guess, decides that this is the perfect time to attack and murder him for being such a thorn in the side of Evil. 

    (Please note the near-identical guy kind of capering behind Satan’s throne up there, as he represents my favourite thing about this adventure, that Satan rules over a nation of devils (the Devil Men) who all look pretty much exactly the same as him. Some of them have red hair or different beard styles, but over all they are the most homogeneous demon army I have ever seen,

    Also, I know that trying to formulate a coherent cosmology out of any comic book company’s output will be a fool’s errand for some time yet, but it’s interesting that Satan and the Devil appear to be two seperate entities in the MLJ/Archie afterlife) 

    In case it wasn’t clear up above: I don’t think that this is a very good plan on Satan’s part. Like, why not attack Zambini while he is tackling another problem instead of while he is having a nice rest? Why attempt to kill him with a tidal wave, the well-known slow and ominous disaster, rather than something quick and sudden that he doesn’t have time to react to by, as in this case, freezing the ocean?  

    Satan’s next move is to send some Devil Men to attack Zambini directly (and looking at them here I must say that there are two faces in the devil nation: the classic devil face of the black haired Devil Men and the more cavemanish look of the red haired ones). They fare no better than the tidal wave and are transformed into a flock of presumably infernal penguins that presumably must be bedevilling the seas to this day.

    Zambini decides to take the battle to Satan, and here’s where I’ll give the ol’ Prince of Lies a little credit: he did plan for this eventuality, in the form of a really horrible cage that takes advantage of Zambini’s weakness to human touch by being made entirely out of human hands. It’s honestly one of the worst things that I have seen in a depiction of comic book Hell!

    Satan of course follows this up with the worst plan ever devised: he has his guys push the cage into a big fire in an attempt to kill Zambini, without reckoning with the fact that the unprotected human hands will probably be destroyed more quickly than the asbestos suit-clad magician. Sure enough: Zambini emerges from the flames unharmed and strikes Satan dead.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 872: TEXA

    (Zip Comics 003, 1940)

    The Scarlet Avenger looks out his window one sunny day and sees “DEATH TO THE SCARLET AVENGER” in skywriting. This, it turns out is a very effective ploy, as when he flies up to check it out he is swarmed and captured by some very off-model pterodactyls.

    The beasts take him to a dirigible, where he is is introduced to Texa, an eight foot tall woman and self-proclaimed “Queen of Crime,” who is looking to rob Fort Knox and wisely set out to eliminate the Scarlet Avenger ahead of time rather than wait and do it on the day.

    The Scarlet Avenger is of course loaded down with little gadgets, and he manages to escape from Texa’s deathtrap by employing, in turn, his personal electric field, smokescreen and capsule parachute, proving once again that super-villains should have better procedures in place for searching captives.

    Please note the companionable arm that Texa has around one of her minions (called variously the Tribe of the Hood and the Hooded Tribe, FYI) in that second-last panel. I like that! It suggests a better-than-average minion work experience.

    Believing that the Scarlet Avenger is dead, Texa proceeds with her admittedly very cool plan to use a big magnet to pick up the entire Fort Knox vault and fly away with it, upon which the very much alive Avenger and his legion of operatives fly up and release the magnet using anti-magnetic rays. Fort Knox is saved, albeit probably very banged up.

    The Scarlet Avenger is shot down by a very cool bubble weapon, leading to a cliffhanger as he is pinned by dirigible fire in the Kentucky desert*. Will he make it out of this overwhelming display of firepower?

    *just why is there a desert landscape in Kentucky? It’s equally likely that:

    a. That wasn’t literally supposed to be Fort Knox but a fictional US Gold Reserve in a more Western state

    b. The air battle ranged a bit farther than depicted on-panel

    c. the artist just kind of drew what they wanted and hang the geography 

    The answer is of course yes, and for the simple reason that as the story in Zip Comics 004 begins, Texa abruptly decides to capture the Scarlet Avenger rather than kill him. Out come the “pterodactyls” once more! Plus the Tribe of the Hood decide to put on shirts.

    Texa employs the mind-bending properties of the Chamber of Disks to render the Scarlet Avenger susceptible to hypnotic mind control so that she can use him and his network in her next plot: to kidnap FDR! 

    Spoiler: the Scarlet Avenger is not really hypnotized and rather than aiding Texa he is working against her.

    A faceless FDR is saved from the now-fully-clothed and jetpack-equipped Tribe of the Hood by the last-minute intervention of the Scarlet Avenger, which is good, but I can’t help but think that he could have mitigated the danger to the president somewhat by turning on Texa before she had him encased in an electric force field.

    Our second cliffhanger! Texas men have the Scarlet Avenger’s operatives under heavy fire, as their boss rides a jetpack man up to the dirigible to help them! Will they make it out of this one alive? 

    Indeed they will! The Scarlet Avenger arrives just in time to prevent Texa from killing his top aide Operative 12, upon which the villain dumps the entire Scarlet Avenger organization out a trap door. Everyone floats down using their personal parachute capsules and presumably feels grateful that the Scarlet Avenger isn’t the kind of boss who keeps all the gadgets for himself.

    Texa’s final ploy involves raising a criminal army by doing a mass jailbreak of Alcatraz, which always seems to me like a way to acquire a pretty motley crew of henchmen with a really wide range of skills and attitudes toward employment as faceless cogs, but who am I to critique a plan like this? I’ve never even broken one guy out of jail to be my minion.

    It’s no surprise that the Scarlet Avengers operatives show up to stop this operation, and since Texa is once again employing her super magnet, they are all kitted out in cool non-ferrous outfits and wielding… copper machine guns I guess. It’s very good look for them!

    Texa’s dirigible ends up on the wrong end of one too many ray gun blasts from the Scarlet Avenger’s rocket plane and goes down in flames, taking the entire Tribe of the Hood with it, but Texa herself escapes in perhaps the coolest possible manner: in a transparent cube carried by pterodactyls. It’s a heck of a way to make an exit and one that stands, as she never appears again. Somewhere an eight foot tall gandma is reminiscing about the glory days, I guess (obviously I reckon that Texa should be BROUGHT BACK in a more modern Archie super-hero comic. People would go nuts for this big tall crime lady!).

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 871: THE MONSTER

    (Zip Comics 002, 1940) 

    Mr Satan is summoned to the charmingly-named Shadow Pond to solve a series of disappearances among a group of scientists who have secluded themselves there. Upon arriving he immediately finds himself in the middle of an attack by a humanoid monster (the Monster, of course. Annoyingly, it is never once referred to as the Monster of Shadow Pond, which would be a pretty great name). He manages to pull a young woman away from the attack and is shortly thereafter introduced to the cast of characters at Shadow Pond:

    Professor Heaslip: Mr Satan’s client and the de facto leader of the scientific group.

    Mrs Heaslip: the Professor’s younger wife, recently rescued from the clutches of the Monster by Mr Satan.

    John Heaslip: the Professor’s brother, a scientist in his own right. Narrowly avoided being killed by the Monster in its first attack.

    Blake: Scientist and acquaintance of Mr Satan. Blake gets mentioned a fair amount throughout the story but only makes one appearance. Probably killed by the Monster.

    Richards: Scientist. Killed in the first attack by the Monster.

    Slade: Scientist. Killed in the attack that Mr Satan witnessed.

    Unnamed Scientist: Killed at some point by the Monster.

    Is someone in this motley crew actually the Monster? Not the dead ones, obviously. 

    Mr Satan does some investigating and is himself almost killed by the Monster. In the process he discovers that the scientists’ missing bodies are caught in a whirlpool beneath the surface of the pond, explaining why they have not surfaced.

    A plan to kill the Monster with a bomb goes awry when the device, built by John Heaslip, goes off without warning and almost kills both his brother and Mr Satan

    This explosion provides Mr Satan with the final key to the puzzle: he tracks down the conveniently-not-at-the-site-of-the-explosion John and Mrs Heaslip and confronts them with the truth: this whole affair has been about the illicit love that they share. The Monster was born out of an attempt to murder Professor Heaslip so that his widow and brother could be together (and also so that they could steal his radium ray, a device that literally had not been mentioned before it was revealed to be a motivation for murder, and which I think was added late in the game to make the story a bit less sordid). A sad and grubby resolution indeed.

    We also get to see the full Monster getup, and while some of the other diving-suit-modified-to-look-like-sea-monster examples we have are a bit more monstery, this might just be the best looking weird diving suit. Lust look at that eye stalk/periscope!

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 871: THE MONSTER

    (Zip Comics 002, 1940) 

    Mr Satan is summoned to the charmingly-named Shadow Pond to solve a series of disappearances among a group of scientists who have secluded themselves there. Upon arriving he immediately finds himself in the middle of an attack by a humanoid monster (the Monster, of course. Annoyingly, it is never once referred to as the Monster of Shadow Pond, which would be a pretty great name). He manages to pull a young woman away from the attack and is shortly thereafter introduced to the cast of characters at Shadow Pond:

    Professor Heaslip: Mr Satan’s client and the de facto leader of the scientific group.

    Mrs Heaslip: the Professor’s younger wife, recently rescued from the clutches of the Monster by Mr Satan.

    John Heaslip: the Professor’s brother, a scientist in his own right. Narrowly avoided being killed by the Monster in its first attack.

    Blake: Scientist and acquaintance of Mr Satan. Blake gets mentioned a fair amount throughout the story but only makes one appearance. Probably killed by the Monster.

    Richards: Scientist. Killed in the first attack by the Monster.

    Slade: Scientist. Killed in the attack that Mr Satan witnessed.

    Unnamed Scientist: Killed at some point by the Monster.

    Is someone in this motley crew actually the Monster? Not the dead ones, obviously. 

    Mr Satan does some investigating and is himself almost killed by the Monster. In the process he discovers that the scientists’ missing bodies are caught in a whirlpool beneath the surface of the pond, explaining why they have not surfaced.

    A plan to kill the Monster with a bomb goes awry when the device, built by John Heaslip, goes off without warning and almost kills both his brother and Mr Satan

    This explosion provides Mr Satan with the final key to the puzzle: he tracks down the conveniently-not-at-the-site-of-the-explosion John and Mrs Heaslip and confronts them with the truth: this whole affair has been about the illicit love that they share. The Monster was born out of an attempt to murder Professor Heaslip so that his widow and brother could be together (and also so that they could steal his radium ray, a device that literally had not been mentioned before it was revealed to be a motivation for murder, and which I think was added late in the game to make the story a bit less sordid). A sad and grubby resolution indeed.

    We also get to see the full Monster getup, and while some of the other diving-suit-modified-to-look-like-sea-monster examples we have are a bit more monstery, this might just be the best looking weird diving suit. Lust look at that eye stalk/periscope!