The Curse of Skeleton Munroe

Category: monocle

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 688: THE HUNCHBACK HORROR

    (Pep Comics 004, 1940)

    We open on Inspector Bentley in the midst of a cocktail party to celebrate the engagement of his friend the Earl of Crackenthorpe. By way of entertainment, the Earl recounts the legend of the Crackenthorpe Curse: a thousand years ago, the progenitor of the Crackenthorpe line made his fortune the old-fashioned way, by summoning a demon and asking it for riches. Ever since, the brides-to-be of the heirs to the Crackenthorpe title must present themselves to the demon in a particular room in Crackenthorpe Manor, leading many of them to die of fright.

    All this talk of ancient spooky customs activates fiance Lady Brenda’s plucky nature and she marches upstairs to present herself. Suddenly, a scream! Is the demon real? Lord Crackenthorpe charges to the rescue and when the dust clears, the demon is gone and the Earl is dead. Murder most foul! 

    Inspector Bentley quickly ascertains the major suspects: fiance Lady Brenda, brother and new earl Lionel Crackenthorpe, butler Wiggins and monocled cousin Osbert Beal.

    After a bit of running around, it turns out that Osbert was the culprit all along, despite not being in line for the Earldom. Not in line, that is, unless the only other claimant was executed for the murder of his brother. It wasn’t much of a plan but it came close to working – if only Inspector Bentley hadn’t been on the case. Lady Brenda gets engaged to the newest Earl in a somewhat mercenary move and everyone by Osbert lives happily ever after.

    (burning question: the demon-introduction tradition hadn’t been followed for centuries, according to the Earl. So how did Osbert know that he could take advantage of it as part of his scheme? He wasn’t shown among the collection of upper-class twits haw-hawing and egging Lady Brenda on… was he just improvising?)

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 686: COUNT ZONGARR

    (Pep Comics 003, 1940)

    Someone has been using super-fast jet planes to mine New York Harbor and the Shield wants to know why, and not just because he happened to be on one of the ships that was exploded as a result. He manages to grab onto one of the planes the next time they come around and finds out first hand that they are not only super fast but able to convert into submarines as well. And that their home base is a very cool Art Deco-ish city in an underwater cavern!

    The mastermind of this whole scheme turns out to be Count Zagnarr, exiled munitions manufacturer. Just why he has been exiled (and from where) is left unexplored, nor do we learn why he is believed dead. We do however learn the reason for his mining campaign: he is attempting to draw the US into WWII in the hopes of swooping in and taking over once all sides have sufficiently weakened one another. A classic scheme for a reason, even if we in retrospect can see where it would have had a pretty slim chance of working.

    Despite being plausibly dead, Count Zongarr acquits himself well when confronted with a patriotic superhuman and manages to take the Shield down using a poison gas gun. The weakened Shield (this issue marks the first Pep Comics indication that he powers are not all suit-based but internal but we’ll have to wait for my read of Shield-Wizard some time in early 2025 for the full retcon) is then loaded into a huge mine and dropped off near a shipping lane to be blown to high heaven.

    Here is where other technologically -inclined crooks could learn a couple of lessons from Count Zongarr. Lesson 1: Don’t leave even a weakened and bound enemy somewhere where they have access to wires or other delicate components. Or buttons or switches, for that matter.

    Lesson 2 is a bit specific but I reckon you could extrapolate. If your plan hinges on the use of sound-activated explosives then don’t for example keep them in a room where the sound that activates them can reach them, such as an open radio connection to the outside world. This is where the loosey-goosey Libertarian nature of a lot of super-villain operations comes into play – a proper OSHA audit would have those mines disarmed when not in use and stored in a soundproofed area.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 686: COUNT ZONGARR

    (Pep Comics 003, 1940)

    Someone has been using super-fast jet planes to mine New York Harbor and the Shield wants to know why, and not just because he happened to be on one of the ships that was exploded as a result. He manages to grab onto one of the planes the next time they come around and finds out first hand that they are not only super fast but able to convert into submarines as well. And that their home base is a very cool Art Deco-ish city in an underwater cavern!

    The mastermind of this whole scheme turns out to be Count Zagnarr, exiled munitions manufacturer. Just why he has been exiled (and from where) is left unexplored, nor do we learn why he is believed dead. We do however learn the reason for his mining campaign: he is attempting to draw the US into WWII in the hopes of swooping in and taking over once all sides have sufficiently weakened one another. A classic scheme for a reason, even if we in retrospect can see where it would have had a pretty slim chance of working.

    Despite being plausibly dead, Count Zongarr acquits himself well when confronted with a patriotic superhuman and manages to take the Shield down using a poison gas gun. The weakened Shield (this issue marks the first Pep Comics indication that he powers are not all suit-based but internal but we’ll have to wait for my read of Shield-Wizard some time in early 2025 for the full retcon) is then loaded into a huge mine and dropped off near a shipping lane to be blown to high heaven.

    Here is where other technologically -inclined crooks could learn a couple of lessons from Count Zongarr. Lesson 1: Don’t leave even a weakened and bound enemy somewhere where they have access to wires or other delicate components. Or buttons or switches, for that matter.

    Lesson 2 is a bit specific but I reckon you could extrapolate. If your plan hinges on the use of sound-activated explosives then don’t for example keep them in a room where the sound that activates them can reach them, such as an open radio connection to the outside world. This is where the loosey-goosey Libertarian nature of a lot of super-villain operations comes into play – a proper OSHA audit would have those mines disarmed when not in use and stored in a soundproofed area.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 685: SATAN

    MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 685: SATAN

    (Pep Comics 002, 1940)

    Dateline: Florida! A huge and monstrous face has begun appearing in the clouds across the state to demand fealty! Coincidentally, armoured cars have been disappearing up and down the peninsula at about the same time as the facial appearances.

    The Comet is of course intrigued by this coincidence and decides to investigate. Plotting out the robberies on a map, he proceeds to the swamp located at the central point, and I’ve just realized that it’s a good thing that he’s right because the first thing he does is kick a man into the water and steal his boat and that would be a very embarrassing thing for a super-hero to have done to ,e.g., an innocent game warden. It’s no problem, though, because the guy was in fact an agent of Satan.

    Satan turns out to be a pretty cagey character: not only does he have a way of dealing with snoopers (dragging their boats through a whirlpool into his sub-swamp lair, as happens to the Comet) but he’s got an impressive level of knowledge of current super-hero news. He knows just who the Comet is and more importantly how to neutralize his major offensive ability, by welding his protective eye mask shut. And this is only the Comet’s second case!

    The mystery of both the monster in the clouds and the disappearing armoured cars, by the way, come down to the same thing: that old favourite, the mighty dirigible. One dirigible equipped with a high-powered projector and loudspeaker and a second with a powerful electromagnet, to be precise – as one is distracting everyone with a big face, the other is making off with the car and the cash (and the unfortunate driver and guards).

    Back to the Comet: Satan’s anti-super-hero savvy extends only so far. Despite his acumen in capturing the Comet and neutralizing his power, Satan has fallen prey to the super-villain’s hubris by leaving him to die in a deathtrap rather than merely shooting him in the head. You see, the really important thing about the Comet’s visor is that it’s just a sheet of glass and thus easily breakable, which the Comet does by the simple expedient of headbutting a rock. After that, it’s just a matter of utterly obliterating not only both dirigibles but the entire swamp base. Satan is toast.

    OR IS HE? In a shock twist, Satan returns in Pep Comics 003 and manages to capture the Comet again, this time taking the trouble to pop him into a glass tube and thus completely neutralizing his powers! (and also delighting me personally, because the name Satan is very ambiguously used in his first appearance and I really appreciated this confirmation that it really is his nom du crime. For my records).

    Satan’s got big plans for the Comet – no cheesy deathtrap this time, no sir. Instead, he brings in put-upon hypnotist Doc Zadar in order to put the Comet to work for him.

    And this isn’t your namby-pamby “can’t be forced to violate your deeply-held morals” hypnotism, this is the real hard-core shit. The Comet goes on a destructive and violent crime spree under Satan and Zagnar’s direction. Notably, this is when he kills a whole bunch of cops, which informs the rest of his Golden Age career by making him one of the few super-heroes who the police have some real justification for constantly trying to gun down (I mean, they still shouldn’t just be trying to execute him in the street, but it’s nice to see them doing it for a reason other than “he’s running away from me even though I’m threatening to kill him!”)

    Once again Satan is undone by his own hubris: this time his failure to see that cheating and abusing the man who controls the actions of a living death ray generator might be a bad idea, and he gets gruesomely dissolved for his mistake. Unfortunately for Zagnar, he forgets the first rule of owning a living death ray generator: always put the safety cap back on. He too is dissolved and the Comet is free to have cops try to gun him down in the street forevermore.

    BONUS: All this Comet talk had me feeling nostalgic and I looked up 1983’s The Comet 001, which I had as a kid. It’s a pretty maudlin book primarily concerned with the Comet castigating himself over what a violent and murderous vigilante he was, and the splash page reflects this via the floating ghosts of the dead who haunt him – note all the cops from Pep Comics 003 at the top there. But just who is that at the lower left?

    I am 75+% certain that this is the monster face that Satan was projecting onto the clouds in Pep 002, which is a pretty hilarious thing to be haunting a depressed 80s super-hero. “I contributed to the death of the airship as a viable mode of transport when I murdered those dirigibles!”

    (the real if boring answer is that it probably is the face from the clouds but, as Satan himself is never actually pictured in the severely abridged version of the story in this comic, the face is being retconned into being his)

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 683: THE MAYFAIR MONSTER

    (Pep Comics 001, 1940)

    Inspector Bentley of Scotland Yard is an investigator with the same case profile as the Scooby-Doo Gang: he regularly encounters the supernatural in the course of his job and day-to-day life and just as regularly exposes them as guys in masks and so forth.

    In this case, Bentley is taking his evening constitutional when he interrupts an honest-to-goodness werewolf attack! He even breaks his signature weapon, his cane on the thing’s head!

    Taking the victim – Brenda Joyce – home, Bentley meets her godfather/guardian, Sir Rupert Napier, and learns from Brenda’s own occult library that the creature he had faced was the fabled Mayfair Monster, a local legend presumably from before Mayfair became an upper class neighbourhood of London.

    Bentley’s suspicious are raised by some squirrely behaviour on Sir Rupert’s part and he engages in a bit of subterfuge whereby the “Brenda Joyce” sent home to convalesce is in fact Bentley in a wig. Sure enough, the Mayfair Monster makes a repeat appearance in Brenda’s bedroom that night and is swiftly subdued and unmasked.

    It’s certainly a convoluted way to murder your own ward for her money – I suppose the idea was to establish the existence of the werewolf with the very public first attack so as to have a ready-made suspect for the eventual murder. But why wear a monocle under an iron wolf mask?

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 681: BARON HOFF

    (National Comics 006, 1940)

    Here’s what Baron Hoff brings to the table: 1. Scale. Hoff’s goal in this comic is to rob one (1) bank, and as a distraction from that crime he sets the entire island of Manhattan on fire.

    2. Look. Not only does he have a striking face and a killer grin but Baron Hoff has a real flair for villainous fashion. Some might balk at accentuating an aviator’s outfit with a monocle and jodhpurs and big puffy sleeves but he really makes it work. The only real misstep in his look is the toothbrush mustache, which pairs misleadingly with the pseudo-military brown outfit to make you think he’s some sort of Hitler analog. Do not waste your time: Hoff is not fascist, he just has poor taste in facial hair.

    3. Ride. I love an auto-gyro, and the fact that Baron Hoff not only flies around in one but uses its blades as a deadly obstacle to those seeking to enter the bank while he’s robbing it is just a bit of a bonus.

    Anyway, Hoff is up against super-speedster Quicksilver and such things as whirling blades of death mean nothing to such a fast man. Hoff is jailed in record time.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 681: BARON HOFF

    (National Comics 006, 1940)

    Here’s what Baron Hoff brings to the table: 1. Scale. Hoff’s goal in this comic is to rob one (1) bank, and as a distraction from that crime he sets the entire island of Manhattan on fire.

    2. Look. Not only does he have a striking face and a killer grin but Baron Hoff has a real flair for villainous fashion. Some might balk at accentuating an aviator’s outfit with a monocle and jodhpurs and big puffy sleeves but he really makes it work. The only real misstep in his look is the toothbrush mustache, which pairs misleadingly with the pseudo-military brown outfit to make you think he’s some sort of Hitler analog. Do not waste your time: Hoff is not fascist, he just has poor taste in facial hair.

    3. Ride. I love an auto-gyro, and the fact that Baron Hoff not only flies around in one but uses its blades as a deadly obstacle to those seeking to enter the bank while he’s robbing it is just a bit of a bonus.

    Anyway, Hoff is up against super-speedster Quicksilver and such things as whirling blades of death mean nothing to such a fast man. Hoff is jailed in record time.

  • MAD AND CRIMINAL SCIENTIST ROUND-UP 012

    Science class was never like this.

    Count la Roach is a scientist-spy looking to synthesize enough “noxio gas” to flood the NYC of the I-think-it’s-still-the-near-future world of Yank Wilson, but all he gets is a sock in the jaw for his trouble. (Fantastic Comics 007, 1940)

    This unnamed fellow is our first proper mad scientist in a while! I really like his style, particularly the fact that he’s introduced while sitting in a tennis judge’s chair for no stated reason. He lives in an inactive volcano, probably in Africa, and is developing a horrible poison dust that he has used to destroy the neighbouring village – it’s probably a good thing that Captain Kidd melts him. (Fantastic Comics 008, 1940)

    Dr Loy here has created an army of chemical androids that he controls and aims to take over the world with. Two problems: the Fantom of the Fair is on the case and Dr Loy’s androids dissolve in water. Loy is quickly arrested. (Amazing Mystery Funnies v3 002, 1940)

    Chung Hang has a simple dream: wait until the world is exhausted by WWII and then take over using his mind control ray. And he might just get there some day, because Chip Collins of the Skull Squadron just punches him out and leaves once he and his pals have escaped Chung Hang’s science dungeons. (Fight Comics 002, 1940)

  • MAD AND CRIMINAL SCIENTIST ROUND-UP 012

    Science class was never like this.

    Count la Roach is a scientist-spy looking to synthesize enough “noxio gas” to flood the NYC of the I-think-it’s-still-the-near-future world of Yank Wilson, but all he gets is a sock in the jaw for his trouble. (Fantastic Comics 007, 1940)

    This unnamed fellow is our first proper mad scientist in a while! I really like his style, particularly the fact that he’s introduced while sitting in a tennis judge’s chair for no stated reason. He lives in an inactive volcano, probably in Africa, and is developing a horrible poison dust that he has used to destroy the neighbouring village – it’s probably a good thing that Captain Kidd melts him. (Fantastic Comics 008, 1940)

    Dr Loy here has created an army of chemical androids that he controls and aims to take over the world with. Two problems: the Fantom of the Fair is on the case and Dr Loy’s androids dissolve in water. Loy is quickly arrested. (Amazing Mystery Funnies v3 002, 1940)

    Chung Hang has a simple dream: wait until the world is exhausted by WWII and then take over using his mind control ray. And he might just get there some day, because Chip Collins of the Skull Squadron just punches him out and leaves once he and his pals have escaped Chung Hang’s science dungeons. (Fight Comics 002, 1940)

  • GENERIC COSTUMED VILLAIN ROUND-UP 013

    Here come the also-rans.

    We’ve got another Leader, and this time he’s not a generically-fascist spy but the head of a gang looking to extort the New York World’s Fair via a series of bombings. Of course the Fantom of the Fair cannot let this stand and quickly tracks them down to a small island base.

    If the first reason I included the Leader aka Relmar here is because I enjoy a monocled man with a high opinion of himself then the second is the fact that the Fantom, without ever actually saying a word, lays such complete waste to Relmar, his men and his entire island. Don’t mess with the World’s Fair, is the message I’m getting. (Amazing Adventure Funnies 001, 1940)

    A masked saboteur of no clear allegiance, Biff Durgo aka the Masked Man is the poorly-disguised sole foe faced by Pack Morgan, Super Detective. (Detective Eye 002, 1940)

    Lead by the mysterious “One”, gangsters Face Greer and Shiv Scarpino are bleeding the city of Midtown dry. That’s why Mayor Kurt Piersole calls in trigger-happy detective Gunner Thompson, only it’s not, because when it all shakes out it turns out that Mayor Piersole was indulging in the old trick of establishing his innocence by being the one to call in the forces of order. It was a cliche in 1940 and continues to be to this day and then as now it ends one way: the One wasn’t quite as clever as he thought he was and ends up on the wrong side of his own hired gun. (Exciting Comics 001, 1940)

    John Blodgett kills his partner Samuel Forbes in order to make off with his claim on a lucrative gold mine but fails to reckon with the fact that Forbes’ daughter Caroline might just wonder what happened to her father and so has to don a mask and engage in some truly half-assed attempts to bump both her and private eye Dan Williams off before they uncover his dumb secret. (Exciting Comics 001, 1940)