The Curse of Skeleton Munroe

Category: conquest

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 727: VOLTON

    (Science Comics 006, 1940)

    In the Science Comics 005, Dynamo develops his Brain-Wave Trap helmet which allows him to read the minds of everyone on Earth. Now, only one issue later, we discover that the range of this device is in fact interstellar, and furthermore that Dynamo can travel to other stars, as he receives a call for help from King Berin of Betelguese (sic) and gets himself there almost instantly – that’s somewhere between four and six hundred light years, folks! 

    (assuming that this is the same Betelgeuse as we all know and love – aside from the fact that it’s spelled slightly differently, it’s pretty consistently referred to as a planet instead of a star. Whatever the case, it’s still an impressive expansion of the range of Dynamo’s power)

    Dynamo asserts his heroic privilege by instantly determining which of two warring forces to side with and drives Volton’s attacking army from the field. Luckily, Volton is indeed the evil one of the two, as evidenced by the very creepy way he goes about abducting King Berin’s daughter Princess Glama.

    Here’s where I lay out my real problem with Volton: when Dynamo first shows up, Volton is deploying his Lightning Men to attack King Berin’s fortifications with their Electrode and Lightning Guns, and even his dang name is Volton. In short, I though that he was going to be another electricity powered guy and that we would see Dynamo in some sort of electric duel or similar. Instead, Volton’s personal theme is way more vulture-centric and electricity just seems to be a hobby of his, to the extent that he doesn’t consider all of the ramifications of trying to electrocute a depowered Dynamo to death and ends up being firmly punched out by a repowered Dynamo.

    There follows a 2.5 page interlude featuring what I will call an inexplicable and disastrous decision by Dynamo, as he transport Volton back to Earth with him and offers him a second chance, only for Volton to immediately blow up an entire city while gearing up for an attempt to take over our planet. Like, one panel immediately. Just why did Dynamo do this? Pagecount, I assume.

    Dynamo’s faith in alternative forms of justice is forever shattered by this experience, and Volton quickly finds himself hurtling headfirst into a Betelguesian prison.

  • MAD AND CRIMINAL SCIENTIST ROUND-UP 015

    They can’t help themselves and/or they’re choosing to be horrible.

    Dr Zynnon has been asked along to help Dr Curan, his daughter Sandra and protagonist Buzz Crandall in their mission to prevent the Moon from exploding, presumably dooming us all. This turns out to be a Bad Choice, because unbeknownst to all, Dr Zynnon harbours a deep misanthropy and would love nothing more than for the world to be doomed.

    Despite the fact that I love not being scoured from the face of the planet by hurtling lunar debris I must give Zynnon credit for one of the most adorable doomsday devices ever conceived of: tiny moon lizard carrying vials of acid powerful enough to bring down the roof of the lunar cavern the bulk of the adventure takes place in. Powerful enough, that is, if they were delivered to the correct location. Which they weren’t, presumably because Zynnon didn’t bother to train or condition them in any way and just let loose as many lizards as he could smuggle onto the moon bathysphere under his coat. In the end, the only casualty of Zynnon’s plot was Zynnon himself. (Planet Comics 004, 1940)

    Tobor the Evil is a Plutonian scientist who has been using an army of child-sized robots to steal Martian gold, with the end goal of conquering Mars and making it a Plutonian territory. With the help of Captain Nelson Cole of the Solar Force, he learns two important lessons about fielding robot armies: 1) don’t leave robot shells that can be repurposed into armour by your foes just lying around, and 2) if your robots have an “indiscriminate murder” setting, make sure to build in a failsafe that excludes yourself from the list of viable targets. (Planet Comics 008, 1940)

    Von Dorf, a mad physiologist and asylum escapee, was so singularly obsessed with the hybridization of humans and panthers that he kidnapped a nurse and turned her into Marga the Panther Woman. It’s likely that he would have his own numbered entry on the Minor Super-Villain list if literally the only other things he ever did weren’t a) get his ass kicked and b) blow himself up. Truly being part of an origin story is the most hazardous job in comics. (Science Comics 001, 1940)

    Dr Passendorf here managed to perfect the quite respectable criminal science inventions of a mind control device and a paralysis ray and then had to lower himself to using both in the employ of a shifty Wall Street jerk named Augustus Elba who needed to cover up some light embezzlement. Just as well that he ends up riddled with shrapnel after the Eagle blows up his machine – the roasting at the next Criminal Science Convention would have been severe. (Science Comics 005, 1940)

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 720: DR DOOM

    MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 720: DR DOOM

    (Science Comics 001, 1940)

    Dr Doom, another super-villain with his own series (I swear that they’re rare over all but 1940 sure is a fertile year for them), lives in an unspecified future and is your classic mad science polymath, as demonstrated by his various schemes:

    In his very first outing, Dr Doom decides to do some extreme testing of his latest formula and uses it to shrink Jan and Wanda, two otherwise-nondescript youths who just happen to also be his recurring nemeses going forward. They escape of course and, after defeating a crab and regaining their former size, haul him back home to Jupiter with them to face justice.

    Of course Dr Doom also escapes and makes his way back to his laboratory. His next two schemes are also shrinking-based: in Science Comics 002 he kidnaps people (including Jan and Wanda) and forces them to battle insects to the death, while Science Comics 004 sees him shrinking Jan and Wanda’s home city of Daru on Jupiter to use as his personal playground. This adventure ends with Doom himself shrunk and on display in a museum of oddities, an event which seems to put him off the field of shrinking entirely going forward.

    In Science Comics 005, Dr Doom unleashes cosmic ray mutations from the depths of the Grand Canyon in a bid to conquer the US. Also the Grand Canyon is expanding for some reason? This is perhaps the most incoherent Dr Doom story and ends with his equipment just exploding out of nowhere.

    The shock of his last scheme failing so thoroughly seems to have had a profound effect on Dr Doom, because at this stage he enters his “revenge on humanity” period. To that end, in Science Comics 006, he develops and unleashes the Grey Mold Disease and sets it loose on the world until he is forced to reveal the antidote by Jan and Wanda when they threaten to inject him with the even more deadly Green Mold Disease.

    Next, in Science Comics 007, Doom uses a magnetic ray in an attempt to throw the entire Earth off its orbit and into the Sun, but misjudges the gravity on his planetoid base and goes flying off into space himself while fleeing from Jan. As always there is no word on how he gets out of this seemingly inescapable doom, but this is the one I’m most curious about.

    Science Comics 008 is a bit of a break for Dr Doom, as he settles down in Long Island with his amazing screaming robot Lodi. Attempting to wipe out humanity is pretty hard work, so Doom and Lodi are taking it easy by merely blasting various humans into a hostile alternate dimension filled with cannibalistic ogres. 

    (this and the previous story also appear to be set in or around 1940, which likely means that they were either a) repurposed from some already-finished art or b) produced by someone who didn’t particularly care about continuity. See also: Jan and Wanda going from space adventurers to reporters for the New York Daily Star)

    Dr Doom’s appearance in Big 3 001 is another stab at destroying humanity, as he facilitates a Venusian invasion by producing deadly mists. Two notes about this one: 1) the Venusians are amazing looking little weirdos and 2) his attempted revenge on Jan and Wanda by making them but not their potential offspring immune to the mists so they must wander alone through a dead world is harsh as hell.

    Dr Doom’s final appearance (and only appearance in 1941) in Green Mask 004 involves him attacking passing space shipping from a base on Uranus. It’s a bit of a ho-hum scheme to go out on, but at least it features some weird little homunculus creatures that Doom makes out of cats. More villains need more little critters around just kind of being moderately useful.

    In a lot of previous adventures Jan and Wanda haul Dr Doom off to prison or just kind of leave him to rot in whatever bombed-out laboratory they just escaped from but this is the one where they genuinely attempt to kill him by bombing his lab from orbit. It’s pretty understandable after all of the trouble he’s caused them, but they don’t bother to confirm the kill and so we leave Dr Doom alive and stranded on Uranus. Did he ever get out of there to vex them again? We can never know.

  • GENERIC COSTUMED VILLAIN ROUND-UP 018

    The hits flops just keep coming.

    This gang doesn’t bother to give themself a proper name even though their scheme is extremely big and loud: they have access to a magnetic ray device and have employed it to pull down multiple large buildings in scenic Midtown City, thus killing between one and four thousand people (a printing error obscures the exact number), all so that their demands for protection money from the owners of other buildings will be paid without question. It’s just as well that the Comet eye-beams them all.

    I really am stuck on the fact that they haven’t bothered to give themselves a name, when they have such attention to detail that the hostages they grabbed in order to stymie the Comet were literally Mr & Mrs John Q. Public Priorities differ, I suppose. (Pep Comics 009, 1940)

    Buck Brady of the FBI is investigating a gang that is smuggling Malaysians across the Canada/ US border (because nobody would expect them to, that’s why) and the ringleader, when he shows up, is dressed fantastically. I cannot believe that more super-villains aren’t wearing big fur coats when they look so great when paired with a cowl mask. Anyway, he turns out to be Lieutenant Thomas of the US Border Patrol. (Prize Comics 003, 1940)

    Move over pre-2000s Wolverine, because this guy right here is possibly the most mysterious figure in comics. Samson and David track him to the hidden City of Erde after he initiates a series of attacks against the US, presumably with an eye on conquering it. But who is he? How did he become king of Erde and its population of cavemen? Where did he get the weaponry his cavemen are using in their attacks? Just how the heck did a whole city full of cavemen go unnoticed smack in the middle of the US, secret valley or no? (Samson 002, 1940)

    This unnamed mustachioed man is remarkable mostly for the number of pivots that he manages to pull off over the course of a 13-page story. He first attracts Samsons’s attention with a scheme to pit the presumably South American country of Ecuazil against its neighbour (sadly unnamed but probably something like Perile or Aregentuay) and then conquer both once they were both sufficiently weakened by the fighting. Once Samson and David put an end to that he hypnotically enslaved Samson for a while, then launched into a full-fledged invasion of the US. Pretty good range, I’d say.

    The US invasion plan also featured this amazing spindly-legged flamethrower tank. Bask in its pleasing aesthetics and questionable strategic value! Please also note David in these panels as this is a good representation of his role in the comic: all enthusiasm, willing to lasso absolutely anything, very low actual impact on events as they unfold but clearly Samson enjoys having him around.

    Finally, I don’t quite know why but I feel that I must highlight this sequence in which Samson hurls a man into a pit and then his lifeless body is just there for the next two panels. I want to frame this and hang it on my wall. (Samson 002, 1940)

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 716: DEVALO

    (Rocket Comics 002, 1940)

    “Rocket Riley, Prince of the Planets” was the namesake strip of Rocket Comics, about lab assistant and pilot Rocket Riley, his boss and amazing hair-haver Professor Sterling and Sterling’s daughter/ Riley’s fiance Griselda. While preparing for an official unveiling of Professor Sterling’s new interplanetary rocket ship, the trio are accosted by spy Kurt von Stengle and his hireling and the whole bunch of them end up accidentally blasting off in the out-of control rocket.

    After a brief stop on an unnamed asteroid where von Stengle’s hireling is eaten by Octopus Men, Rocket and crew end up crash landing on Saturn, where things go even more pear-shaped as they are captured by the planet’s dictatorial ruler, Devalo.

    Devalo, also known as Divalo, has a real Satanic look going on and so I spent some time looking for a classical link between Saturn, Satan, the quality of being saturnine, etc., only to find very little. I’m sure that it’s something I’ve encountered before if only due to a general linking of the more evil-flavoured bits of Greek and Roman mythology and Christian underworld imagery, but there doesn’t seem to be an official-enough link to show up in places like Brewer’s Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, or indeed, Wikipedia.

    Nevertheless, Devalo is both Saturnian and Satanic and I would bet a small sum of money that he won’t be the last character we meet who fits both of those descriptions.

    The Saturnian Saturnite society ruled by Devalo is caste-based, with the military at the top, supported by the enslaved scientist caste. All manual labour is done by the Zeroes, whose bodies have been enhanced and intelligences stunted for maximum efficiency.

    Since von Stengle is the kind of villain who would, for instance, try to commandeer a spacecraft that is currently careening through space, he seizes the opportunity afforded him when everyone is rounded up by Devalo’s men to suggest that they might team up to invade the Earth. Stupidly opportunistic in his evil, that’s von Stengle for you.

    Our heroes manage to escape Devalo’s palace along with Saturnite scientist Xenox and his daughter Ladana, but after an encounter with some Sharkmen the group is scattered and only Rocket and Griselda manage to make it back to Professor Sterling’s ship. And that’s it! Rocket Comics ended with issue 3 and Devalo gets to remain not just uncaptured but firmly in charge. All we can do is rest assured that he would have been deposed in one to ten issues if the series had continued.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 714: SKLAR

    (Prize Comics 006, 1940)

    It’s a regular day in Mongol-dominated New-New York City of the year 1982 CE: the people are oppressed in various ways and Power Nelson is around to help them solve some but not all of their problems. Suddenly! A space capsule lands and disgorges a trio of rampaging robots! This is a perfect task for Power Nelson to handle as it it a short-term solution to an immediate problem but very importantly does not require and attempt to change systemic problems. Smashy smashy!

    Nelson’s ally Zora Doone of the Interplanetary Red Cross soon informs him that the robots were sent to Earth from the planet Argus and he speeds there as past as possible, only to find himself outfoxed: Sklar, Lord of Argus has taken Zora hostage, necessitating an escape through the monster-filled Cave of Terror to remove her from danger and pad the pagecount.

    Power Nelson decides that the best solution to Argus’ and Earth’s problems is to depose the unpopular Sklar by way of a revolution, and let me say that this is a very galling thing for him to do. I’ve been bitching and moaning about how Nelson never gets around to freeing the people of Earth from the despotic reign of Seng I, the thing he was created to do, by the way and here he is, 15 minutes into his stay on Argus and elbow deep in revolution? What a piece of work.

    The revolution doesn’t prove to be strictly necessary, as Nelson ends up confronting Sklar one-on-one and just kind of tips him off of his volcano lair into the fiery depths below. I suppose it’s important for the populace to feel like they helped.

    Inspired by this, Nelson bids farewell to Zora Doone and finally, finally heads off to depose Emperor Seng I, a character who, might I remind you, he could crush with one hand and who he stands within five feet of in every single issue of Prize Comics. FINALLY.

    (this is very frustrating on a non-narrative level because the publicly available portions of Prize Comics 007 and 008 do not include the Power Nelson strip and somewhere in those two issues he goes from being a hero of the 1980s to one of the 1940s. Details are scarce, but it seems as though Nelson is flung back in time somehow, but does he actually depose Seng I first? No idea)

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 714: SKLAR

    (Prize Comics 006, 1940)

    It’s a regular day in Mongol-dominated New-New York City of the year 1982 CE: the people are oppressed in various ways and Power Nelson is around to help them solve some but not all of their problems. Suddenly! A space capsule lands and disgorges a trio of rampaging robots! This is a perfect task for Power Nelson to handle as it it a short-term solution to an immediate problem but very importantly does not require and attempt to change systemic problems. Smashy smashy!

    Nelson’s ally Zora Doone of the Interplanetary Red Cross soon informs him that the robots were sent to Earth from the planet Argus and he speeds there as past as possible, only to find himself outfoxed: Sklar, Lord of Argus has taken Zora hostage, necessitating an escape through the monster-filled Cave of Terror to remove her from danger and pad the pagecount.

    Power Nelson decides that the best solution to Argus’ and Earth’s problems is to depose the unpopular Sklar by way of a revolution, and let me say that this is a very galling thing for him to do. I’ve been bitching and moaning about how Nelson never gets around to freeing the people of Earth from the despotic reign of Seng I, the thing he was created to do, by the way and here he is, 15 minutes into his stay on Argus and elbow deep in revolution? What a piece of work.

    The revolution doesn’t prove to be strictly necessary, as Nelson ends up confronting Sklar one-on-one and just kind of tips him off of his volcano lair into the fiery depths below. I suppose it’s important for the populace to feel like they helped.

    Inspired by this, Nelson bids farewell to Zora Doone and finally, finally heads off to depose Emperor Seng I, a character who, might I remind you, he could crush with one hand and who he stands within five feet of in every single issue of Prize Comics. FINALLY.

    (this is very frustrating on a non-narrative level because the publicly available portions of Prize Comics 007 and 008 do not include the Power Nelson strip and somewhere in those two issues he goes from being a hero of the 1980s to one of the 1940s. Details are scarce, but it seems as though Nelson is flung back in time somehow, but does he actually depose Seng I first? No idea)

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 713: MURDO

    (Prize Comics 005, 1940) 

    Having defeated the mad Racko over the course of three adventures, Jupiter and his pal Jim Johnson are ready for some variety in their lives. Well, too bad, because Racko’s brother Murdo is out for revenge! His first move, kidnap Racko’s former victim and Jim’s current girlfriend Joan and put her in a test tube in her underwear.

    ASIDE: I had been operating under the assumption that Racko was a last name but now I have to revise my worldview to include a set of parents who would name their children “Racko” and “Murdo”.

    Over all, Murdo is a lot less interesting than his brother, possibly because of his focus on revenge instead of wacky ways of harming NYC. If he does share one thing with Racko, it’s a penchant for interesting hideouts – in his debut issue he is making his home under a lake in India that is stocked with octopuses, sharks and mermen. 

    Murdo manages to capture Jim as well (and notably leaves him fully clothed when he puts him in a test tube) but turns out to be even less able to cope with an alien wizard than Racko was.

    Jupiter doesn’t even bother blowing Murdo up. He just piles some stuff on top of him.

    Having not even been plausibly killed in his first appearance (and what an insult that is for the brother of the guy that Jupiter felt the need to blow up three separate times), Murdo is back next issue to try again, this time by using magnets to flip Jim Johnson’s cab into a ditch. This is actually very advanced for a Golden Age villain – Murdo has learned that his chances of taking on Jupiter are low and so is starting out by getting the much easier revenge kill on Johnson. Sadly for both Murdo and Johnson’s cab driver, the passenger compartment is the only part of the cab that survives.

    Jupiter shows up and easily captures Murdo, but Murdo has had the good sense to have a henchman dress up as a cop and lurk nearby to “take the villain into custody.” He then abandons his revenge plot entirely in favour of an attempt to take over the US by murdering the president. It’s an astonishing display in light of the single-minded obsession that governs most super-villainous behaviour, folks. Unless world domination was Murdo’s main thing to begin with and revenge was the distraction, of course.

    Jupiter does not stand idly by and allow Franklin Delano Roosevelt to be murdered, of course, though he makes the unusual choice to destroy Murdo’s henchmen and just… leave Murdo himself wandering around on the ground somewhere. It’s a calculated insult!

    The end-of-story blurb promises that next issue would see Murdo teaming up with his brother Racko and I for one think that that would be a fun time, as despite having chosen to go into the same field the two are actually quite different in their approaches to super-villainy, plus a little sibling rivalry never hurt the readability of any story. Sadly, though, Prize Comics 006 was Jupiter’s final appearance, so while Murdo remains at large poor Racko is in a limbo-state, reportedly not dead but not confirmed alive. Very sad stuff.

    REVENGE KILLING SCORE: 0/5 in two attempts each on Jupiter and Jim’s lives and one on Joan’s, Murdo got none of them. Abysmal.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 704: ZIRGO

    (Planet Comics 005, 1940)

    We’ve seen it before and we’ll see it again: comic book plots spun out of the popular pre-Pearl Harbor US position that America should stay out of the burgeoning European conflict. This time, we’re treated to a political allegory in the far future, as planet Jupiter (Germany, presumably) attacks tiny planetoid Cato (Belgium, I guess) and draws the ire of the rest of the Solar System (the nascent Allied Forces). Many on Earth (America) want to join the anti-Jupiter taskforce, but Captain Nelson Cole advocates caution.

    And he is right to do so!  The entire space war is a ploy by Cato’s ruler Zirgo, in league with Earth munitions king Morgo, to weaken Jupiter sufficiently that they can then step in and take over the larger planet..

    A perfectly reasonable sci-fi plot, but it does fall apart somewhat when scrutinized as an allegory. The US shouldn’t get involved in WWII because it’s just a big set-up by Belgium to weaken Germany in preparation for a counter-invasion? And if the Jovians know about this plan and are in fact only attacking Cato because of it… why attack in the first place? Why not simply expose him?

    Lucky for the Jovians, Captain Nelson Cole is on the case. He exposes Zirgo’s treachery and leads a force to bring down his evil regime, though I’m not sure why this police action is okay when the other was not. Political allegories… are hard.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 704: ZIRGO

    (Planet Comics 005, 1940)

    We’ve seen it before and we’ll see it again: comic book plots spun out of the popular pre-Pearl Harbor US position that America should stay out of the burgeoning European conflict. This time, we’re treated to a political allegory in the far future, as planet Jupiter (Germany, presumably) attacks tiny planetoid Cato (Belgium, I guess) and draws the ire of the rest of the Solar System (the nascent Allied Forces). Many on Earth (America) want to join the anti-Jupiter taskforce, but Captain Nelson Cole advocates caution.

    And he is right to do so!  The entire space war is a ploy by Cato’s ruler Zirgo, in league with Earth munitions king Morgo, to weaken Jupiter sufficiently that they can then step in and take over the larger planet..

    A perfectly reasonable sci-fi plot, but it does fall apart somewhat when scrutinized as an allegory. The US shouldn’t get involved in WWII because it’s just a big set-up by Belgium to weaken Germany in preparation for a counter-invasion? And if the Jovians know about this plan and are in fact only attacking Cato because of it… why attack in the first place? Why not simply expose him?

    Lucky for the Jovians, Captain Nelson Cole is on the case. He exposes Zirgo’s treachery and leads a force to bring down his evil regime, though I’m not sure why this police action is okay when the other was not. Political allegories… are hard.