The Curse of Skeleton Munroe

Category: space pirate

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 844: ZOM

    (Weird Comics 002, 1940) 

    Space adventurers Blast Bennett and his pal Red are tooling around the Solar System one day when they are hailed by and then hauled aboard an enormous space vessel.

    This vessel is Plane-City, the mobile headquarters of the space pirate Zom. Actually, I don’t know if “space pirate” is quite the right label for Zom, as his main passion seems to be taking and keeping prisoners rather than the more traditional piratical pursuit of taking prisoners and then ransoming them back to their home government or loved ones. I mean, just look at that dank stone dungeon that he has installed on his spaceship, presumably at great expense!

    Zom’s downfall comes thanks to the terrible state of his security – firstly, they allow Blast to get their boss in a headlock and chain him up in his own dungeon, and then it turns out that they didn’t even bother to check their new prisoners – one of whom, may I remind you, is named Blast – for ray guns. Just professionally shameful.

    Zom’s prisoners are all freed via space parachute, while Zom and his men meet their end at the barrel of that same ray gun. Plane-City, alas, does not survive the altercation.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 835: KING QUANTUS

    (Top-Notch Comics 007, 1940)

    Streak Chandler’s adventures on Mars conclude with a space battle with Kalox, deposed king of the Gas Men, as he attempts to destroy the planet in retribution for losing his throne. Streak and his pals prevent this, but at the moment of their triumph they find themselves in the clutches of yet another villain, the pirate King Quantus, and spirited away to his secret headquarters on the Jovian moon Io.

    In addition to being a space pirate, King Quantus is big on slavery: he not only maintains a creepo harem of captured women but has a laboratory full of enslaved scientists. All this does nothing to save him from a good old American ass-kicking once Steak Chandler manages to sneak up on him, however.

    Quantus rallies his forces in an attempt to destroy Chandler and recapture his companions, but while he is doing so, Chandler’s erstwhile ally Lura leads a revolution of Quantus’ many slaves and captives.

    Lura, having been recently romantically rejected by Streak, turns on her former companions and announces herself as the new space pirate queen of Io. Between her and the still-at-large King Quantus, Streak’s space adventures appear to be just beginning but alas, we never get to see any of them as this is the final installment of his strip. 

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 797: JARK AND ZORG

    (Target Comics v1 007, 1940)

    Jark and Zorg, an alien duo of unknown provenance, continue the trend of Spacehawk villains who could broadly be described as space pirates. They also a) have a very hard pair of names to remember without accidentally mixing up some of the letters and b) are possibly the most phallic-looking alien designs that weren’t just ambulatory ding-dongs that I have ever seen.

    Jark and Zorg’s plan is… not simple, per se, but it doesn’t have a lot of steps. It goes like this: 

    1) get a planetoid and fit it with propulsion devices 

    2) fly around until you are in the path of a space freighter 

    3) use a tractor (bumper) beam to ensure that the freighter only crashes a little, so that the precious cargo is okay

    4) unleash a bunch of creatures called Snurls to wipe out the passengers and crew

    5) loot and profit

    It’s a solid enough plan, albeit one which requires a lot of advance effort and advanced technology, and Zorg even adds a step 6) kidnap a lady off of the first ship they bring down and transform her into an attractive phallus-alien for a little non-Jark companionship. Unfortunately for him, this particular lady is the same one who Spacehawk rescued from Grovak the Martian not two issues prior, and he seems to have some sort of Superman/Lois Lane ability to sense when she is in mortal peril, as despite Zorg’s certainty that their planetoid will never be discovered by the hero he is in fact already in orbit.

    Jark makes a go at taking care of Spacehawk with his atom rifle but it’s simply not enough firepower and he ends up mashed to a pulp.

    Zorg, building on his deceased partner’s efforts, seems to succeed where Jark failed, and further managed to unmask the Spacehawk to reveal that he was a robot the whole time!

    OR WAS HE? No, he wasn’t. Instead, the Spacehawk turns out to be a man with a collection of robot doubles that can substitute for him or otherwise aid him in his crusade against evil. Zorg ends up joining his partner in whatever afterlife that ding-dong aliens get and Spacehawk gets a smooch.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 796: GREBO

    (Target Comics v1 006, 1940)

    Grebo is a simple guy, even if he is a Mercurian. He’s on Venus with his pal Gogg hunting a lost stash of Mercurian platinum that was spirited away by the losing side of a long ago war in which Rogg and Grebo’s ancestors were the victors. And heck, that’d be simple treasure hunting if the underwater city that the swag was in were uninhabited, right?

    Sadly, it turns out that the defeated Mercurians (or the Draxions, as they call themselves) are very much in residence, having adapted to a watery existence as a way to hide from their ancient enemies. And it seems that their caution was entirely justified, as Grebo’s first response to discovering that the platinum might in fact not be up for grabs is to shoot Draxion leader Tuok.

    This little demonstration ensures that Grebo and Rogg have little trouble with the remainder of the peaceful Draxions, and they make their way to the platinum vault with little trouble. At which point Grebo makes some trouble, by murdering Rogg rather than split the loot with him. Classic villain stuff!

    All good things must come to an end, however, and that includes reigns of terror: having been summoned by his friends the Draxions, Spacehawk soon arrives and sends Grebo rocketing into space to his doom. Would Grebo have survived the encounter if he had, say, a second person to back him up? Probably not, but it surely couldn’t have hurt his chances.

    I have to say that the real star of this story were the Draxions. The contrast between their goofy Wolverton faces and the deadly action is surprisingly evocative. Googly-eyed weirdos can have hopes and aspirations too, after all.

    Once the danger is over, Spacehawk helps the Draxions re-adapt to land dwelling forms and I can’t choose between the goofy pointy-headed aquatic Draxions and the more businesslike clearly-enjoying-all-the-air-breathing land Draxions. I love them both dearly.

    Shout out as well to Grebo’s ship full of different types of Mercurians (plus some Saturnian pilots), not only for being great little designs but for (intentionally or not) preemptively shutting down any nit-picking about alien designs not being consistent between Spacehawk adventures. It’s because there are all kinds of different phenotypes, losers!

    (the crew panics when Spacehawk shows up and ends up flying the ship into a mountain, if you were wondering where they were during that final confrontation)

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 795: GROVAK

    (Target Comics v1 005, 1940) 

    We meet Grovak the Martian space pirate as he and his crew are about to sacrifice a beautiful human babe in order to capture a portion of the protoplasmic Neptunian Creeping Death. Not only does this highlight Grovak’s ruthlessness but it shows what a bad boss he is – bullying, abusive, refusing to own up to his mistakes – Martian space pirates take note and seek employment elsewhere.

    Luckily for that never-named young woman, Spacehawk chooses this moment to show up and make his presence known with a blast from his flame ray pistol. Both the Creeping Death and Grovak get spooked and flee the scene.

    But a little mortal fear isn’t going to be enough to dissuade Grovak, not by a long shot. He moves forward with his plan, having already collected a portion of the Creeping Death by means of a less fortunate captive, and is ready to unleash it on unsuspecting space freighter crews in order to take their lives, their ships and their cargo, in order.

    Once again Spacehawk is compelled to step in, and while Grovak’s crew sensibly flees into the Neptunian hills, the villain himself attempts to destroy Spacehawk using the Creeping Death, only to end up on the receiving end of a protoplasmic devouring himself. It’s just like the old adage: you live by the horrible alien blob; you die by the horrible alien blob.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 795: GROVAK

    (Target Comics v1 005, 1940) 

    We meet Grovak the Martian space pirate as he and his crew are about to sacrifice a beautiful human babe in order to capture a portion of the protoplasmic Neptunian Creeping Death. Not only does this highlight Grovak’s ruthlessness but it shows what a bad boss he is – bullying, abusive, refusing to own up to his mistakes – Martian space pirates take note and seek employment elsewhere.

    Luckily for that never-named young woman, Spacehawk chooses this moment to show up and make his presence known with a blast from his flame ray pistol. Both the Creeping Death and Grovak get spooked and flee the scene.

    But a little mortal fear isn’t going to be enough to dissuade Grovak, not by a long shot. He moves forward with his plan, having already collected a portion of the Creeping Death by means of a less fortunate captive, and is ready to unleash it on unsuspecting space freighter crews in order to take their lives, their ships and their cargo, in order.

    Once again Spacehawk is compelled to step in, and while Grovak’s crew sensibly flees into the Neptunian hills, the villain himself attempts to destroy Spacehawk using the Creeping Death, only to end up on the receiving end of a protoplasmic devouring himself. It’s just like the old adage: you live by the horrible alien blob; you die by the horrible alien blob.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 723: IAKO

    (Science Comics 004, 1940)

    Cosmic Carson is a fairly generic space hero whose main distinction up to this point was that each issue he fought a different kind of alien with a cool species name (from Science Comics 001 and going forward: the Fang-Men of Jupiter, the Skull-Men and the Hoof-Men), but other than that he wasn’t really of interest to us on this here blog. Until now, that is, because Science Comics 004 features a Cosmic Carson adventure illustrated and possibly written by the King himself, Jack Kirby.

    So: Fort Roosevelt on Mars has been destroyed, and Cosmic Carson is convinced that it was the work of the space pirate Elramis. While hunting for her, he encounters a lone space-suited figure engaged in a firefight with what turns out to be a bunch of thought-controlled androids belonging to the Saturnian trader Iako which causes Iako to jump straight to the top of Carson’s list of suspects.

    While Carson gets some credit for working out the identity of the culprit about five minutes before Iako himself shows up to lay out his entire plan, he loses much more for failing to realize that the woman he had just been battling robots with was in fact Elramis, the original object of his investigations. Perhaps Mars is just the kind of place where that isn’t a remarkable occurrence, but even so he might have checked.

    Iako and Elramis have some sort of thing going on, but the nature of what exactly it is is not explored in the course of the story. The upshot of it, whatever it is, is that Elramis is left to her own devices once everyone is back on Iako’s ship while Cosmic Carson is in for some sort of deathtrap, if Iako has anything to say about it. Thanks to a bit of psychological manipulation on Elramis’ part, however, Carson is able to turn the tables on Iako in a very satisfying looking headlock.

    Sadly there was no second instalment of this particular story so we will never know just why Elramis has taken over the ship or what the ultimate fate of Iako would be. Or, for that matter, why the colourist refused to colour the neck part of Elramis’ spacesuit so that it didn’t look like she had a weird seam under her jawline.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 723: IAKO

    MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 723: IAKO

    (Science Comics 004, 1940)

    Cosmic Carson is a fairly generic space hero whose main distinction up to this point was that each issue he fought a different kind of alien with a cool species name (from Science Comics 001 and going forward: the Fang-Men of Jupiter, the Skull-Men and the Hoof-Men), but other than that he wasn’t really of interest to us on this here blog. Until now, that is, because Science Comics 004 features a Cosmic Carson adventure illustrated and possibly written by the King himself, Jack Kirby.

    So: Fort Roosevelt on Mars has been destroyed, and Cosmic Carson is convinced that it was the work of the space pirate Elramis. While hunting for her, he encounters a lone space-suited figure engaged in a firefight with what turns out to be a bunch of thought-controlled androids belonging to the Saturnian trader Iako which causes Iako to jump straight to the top of Carson’s list of suspects.

    While Carson gets some credit for working out the identity of the culprit about five minutes before Iako himself shows up to lay out his entire plan, he loses much more for failing to realize that the woman he had just been battling robots with was in fact Elramis, the original object of his investigations. Perhaps Mars is just the kind of place where that isn’t a remarkable occurrence, but even so he might have checked.

    Iako and Elramis have some sort of thing going on, but the nature of what exactly it is is not explored in the course of the story. The upshot of it, whatever it is, is that Elramis is left to her own devices once everyone is back on Iako’s ship while Cosmic Carson is in for some sort of deathtrap, if Iako has anything to say about it. Thanks to a bit of psychological manipulation on Elramis’ part, however, Carson is able to turn the tables on Iako in a very satisfying looking headlock.

    Sadly there was no second instalment of this particular story so we will never know just why Elramis has taken over the ship or what the ultimate fate of Iako would be. Or, for that matter, why the colourist refused to colour the neck part of Elramis’ spacesuit so that it didn’t look like she had a weird seam under her jawline.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 707: PRINCE BLAGA DARU

    (Planet Comics 005, 1940) 

    Gale Allen was a long-running feature of Planet Comics, which meant that she was a creation of many absent-minded hands. She is always an officer in a gendered space organization, but whether that is the Women’s Space Battalion, the Girl’s Patrol, the Girl’s Squadron and so forth varies from issue to issue. The story is set in the far-off year of 1990 but drifts farther into the future over time. She turns blonde eventually. You get the picture. 

    Early Gale Allen stories feature spaceman Jack North as a real pill of a sidekick who spends much of his on-panel time carping on about how women don’t belong in the space military. They also feature Prince Blaga Daru, a space pirate-turned-world conqueror who has the hots for Gale, possibly because she is semi-secretly a Venusian princess but possibly just because he likes a strong woman.

    In his first appearance, Daru has already conquered Europe and set his eyes on invading North America, with Step I of his plan involving taking control of the the Sub-Oceanic Transit Tube, aka the Trans-Atlantic Subway. Gale Allen and her Falcon Squadron set out to stop him, and shockingly don’t succeed! That is, they do succeed in driving off the initial attack and then get captured by the Prince’s special Gale Allen task force, for you see he loves her and wants to marry her. She of course tells him to go screw and gets away with the help of Jim North.

    (the Prince’s world domination scheme is kiboshed in the subsequent issue and Blaga Daru himself is punched in the eye for his trouble)

    Prince Blaga Daru makes two more spends his next two appearances, in Planet Comics 009 and 011, and in both he has shifted his focus almost entirely to the pursuit of Gale Allen’s hand in marriage. But not by reforming and being a cool guy and courting her on her terms, no. Prince Blaga Daru is a space pirate, and space pirates kidnap their love interests and marry them against their wills. It’s a real culture clash, and it ends up with the Prince unceremoniously falling out of a spaceship door to his demise.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 707: PRINCE BLAGA DARU

    (Planet Comics 005, 1940) 

    Gale Allen was a long-running feature of Planet Comics, which meant that she was a creation of many absent-minded hands. She is always an officer in a gendered space organization, but whether that is the Women’s Space Battalion, the Girl’s Patrol, the Girl’s Squadron and so forth varies from issue to issue. The story is set in the far-off year of 1990 but drifts farther into the future over time. She turns blonde eventually. You get the picture. 

    Early Gale Allen stories feature spaceman Jack North as a real pill of a sidekick who spends much of his on-panel time carping on about how women don’t belong in the space military. They also feature Prince Blaga Daru, a space pirate-turned-world conqueror who has the hots for Gale, possibly because she is semi-secretly a Venusian princess but possibly just because he likes a strong woman.

    In his first appearance, Daru has already conquered Europe and set his eyes on invading North America, with Step I of his plan involving taking control of the the Sub-Oceanic Transit Tube, aka the Trans-Atlantic Subway. Gale Allen and her Falcon Squadron set out to stop him, and shockingly don’t succeed! That is, they do succeed in driving off the initial attack and then get captured by the Prince’s special Gale Allen task force, for you see he loves her and wants to marry her. She of course tells him to go screw and gets away with the help of Jim North.

    (the Prince’s world domination scheme is kiboshed in the subsequent issue and Blaga Daru himself is punched in the eye for his trouble)

    Prince Blaga Daru makes two more spends his next two appearances, in Planet Comics 009 and 011, and in both he has shifted his focus almost entirely to the pursuit of Gale Allen’s hand in marriage. But not by reforming and being a cool guy and courting her on her terms, no. Prince Blaga Daru is a space pirate, and space pirates kidnap their love interests and marry them against their wills. It’s a real culture clash, and it ends up with the Prince unceremoniously falling out of a spaceship door to his demise.