The Curse of Skeleton Munroe

Category: unofficial name

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 697: THE CREATURE

    (Planet Comics 002, 1940)

    Having defeated the evil Sarko, Flint Baker and his crew are ready to head home to accept their accolades as the as-fas-as-anyone-knows first humans to land on Mars, when word comes from Princess Viga that the city of Ru is facing yet another deadly threat. This time it’s a giant four-armed primate that attacks three times per year and hauls Martians away to an uncertain and terrifying fate. Will Flint Baker help them? Of course he will!

    It’s a daunting beast to be sure, and it compounds the danger by immediately grabbing Princess Vigo and Baker Expedition stowaway-turned-crewmember Mimi, but Flint proves the old adage true once more: no matter how big you are or how many arms you have, you’re not walking away from a rocket ship to the mouth.

    I suppose that the old saying was only partially accurate in this case, actually, because the monster does walk away from the scene, if only to die elsewhere. Baker and his crew must pursue on “rocket-propelled degravitation pods” (i.e., pogo sticks).

    Arriving at the monster’s location, Baker and his men find that it is indeed dead, but also that it was not some wild creature with a periodic appetite for Martians but the creation of a little green guy with a big head. The Creature! Which, yes, is almost certainly not what they call themself but “the creature” is basically the only thing that is used to identify them in the caption boxes so I’m going with it.

    Not only does the Creature reveal that they were the creator of the monster, but that the beast was in fact made out of the kidnapped Martians! And they’re making another one! Just how many Martians were being kidnapped, and for how long?

    (this is honestly a pretty great slow burn horror concept that was certainly out of the realm of 1940 comic book storytelling: people start disappearing, nobody knows how or where, and then after a couple of years someone sees a creature grabbing someone. And then every time it comes back, it’s a bit bigger or has another limb, etc. Ideally the reveal comes while the beast is still alive, via DNA sequencing or something like that)

    Honestly, the Creature is an amazing villain. A bombastic weirdo living in a cave and making a monster out of people? Terrific. But also, they are super strong and invulnerable to ray gun blasts that destroy everything around them. Who is this little creep and why are they living in a cave making monsters?

    Sadly, though the Creature might have been immune to ray gun technology they were still susceptible to a good old fashioned sock on the jaw. Flint and his compatriots leave the Creature behind to be blown up with the rest of the laboratory in the obligatory final explosion – a sad end for a terrific antagonist.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 688: THE HUNCHBACK HORROR

    (Pep Comics 004, 1940)

    We open on Inspector Bentley in the midst of a cocktail party to celebrate the engagement of his friend the Earl of Crackenthorpe. By way of entertainment, the Earl recounts the legend of the Crackenthorpe Curse: a thousand years ago, the progenitor of the Crackenthorpe line made his fortune the old-fashioned way, by summoning a demon and asking it for riches. Ever since, the brides-to-be of the heirs to the Crackenthorpe title must present themselves to the demon in a particular room in Crackenthorpe Manor, leading many of them to die of fright.

    All this talk of ancient spooky customs activates fiance Lady Brenda’s plucky nature and she marches upstairs to present herself. Suddenly, a scream! Is the demon real? Lord Crackenthorpe charges to the rescue and when the dust clears, the demon is gone and the Earl is dead. Murder most foul! 

    Inspector Bentley quickly ascertains the major suspects: fiance Lady Brenda, brother and new earl Lionel Crackenthorpe, butler Wiggins and monocled cousin Osbert Beal.

    After a bit of running around, it turns out that Osbert was the culprit all along, despite not being in line for the Earldom. Not in line, that is, unless the only other claimant was executed for the murder of his brother. It wasn’t much of a plan but it came close to working – if only Inspector Bentley hadn’t been on the case. Lady Brenda gets engaged to the newest Earl in a somewhat mercenary move and everyone by Osbert lives happily ever after.

    (burning question: the demon-introduction tradition hadn’t been followed for centuries, according to the Earl. So how did Osbert know that he could take advantage of it as part of his scheme? He wasn’t shown among the collection of upper-class twits haw-hawing and egging Lady Brenda on… was he just improvising?)

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 657: THE SCIENTIST

    MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 657: THE SCIENTIST

    (Jungle Comics 004, 1940)

    The Scientist (no other name given) is a man with a very comic book plan: develop a serum capable of giving gorillas superhuman intelligence, do so to a population of the particularly huge Gorgon Gorillas, and use the resulting army to conquer the world, presumably after a period of rapid gorilla breeding.

    Though the Scientist is a compelling villain in his own right (he is a world-class asshole, for example, like all the best bad guys), the stars of this adventure are absolutely the Gorgon Gorillas, who for example respond to a gorilla call by marching single-file through the jungle beating their chests until they just kind of topple into a pit trap.

    The post-enhancement gorgons are even better, as they exhibit a range of amazing facial expressions from “benignly intelligent” to “absolutely fucking mental” depending on input from the Scientist.

    As is her prerogative, Fantomah waits to step in to the situation until the crisis point, in this case the Scientist ordering his gorilla army to scour human life from the face to the jungle. Alas, he learns too late that the old adage is true: you live by the army of demonized gorillas, you die by the army of demonized gorillas.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 649: THE MONSTER

    (Funny Pages v4 008, 1940)

    Betty Thomas is the recipient of the sort of inheritance that seems to be aimed at causing trouble: her uncle Henry has left her a fortune, provided that she is of sound mind thirty days after the will reading. If she isn’t, the money goes to a secondary inheritor. This is of course the cue for someone to employ a huge hook-handed goon and start a nightly campaign of terror designed to drive her out of her gourd, and the entire rest of the Thomas clan are suspects! Is it sarcastic bad boy Bob Thomas? Crime novelist George Thomas? The sinister unnamed housekeeper? Surely it couldn’t be the saintly Dr Freman Thomas?

    It is of course the saintly Dr Freman Thomas, who like his employee the Monster learns the hard way that the Arrow doesn’t cotton to gaslighting in his New York.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 649: THE MONSTER

    (Funny Pages v4 008, 1940)

    Betty Thomas is the recipient of the sort of inheritance that seems to be aimed at causing trouble: her uncle Henry has left her a fortune, provided that she is of sound mind thirty days after the will reading. If she isn’t, the money goes to a secondary inheritor. This is of course the cue for someone to employ a huge hook-handed goon and start a nightly campaign of terror designed to drive her out of her gourd, and the entire rest of the Thomas clan are suspects! Is it sarcastic bad boy Bob Thomas? Crime novelist George Thomas? The sinister unnamed housekeeper? Surely it couldn’t be the saintly Dr Freman Thomas?

    It is of course the saintly Dr Freman Thomas, who like his employee the Monster learns the hard way that the Arrow doesn’t cotton to gaslighting in his New York.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 623: THE CYCLOP

    (Fantastic Comics 009, 1940)

    Captain Kidd is once again back in Africa, this time in search of a lost explorer named Perez, and has once again bribed a local into taking him somewhere dangerous only to get that local killed (this happens about a third of the time with Kidd – not quite often enough to make a very depressing supercut).

    Kidd and his unfortunate hireling Wango track Perez to the Lost Valley, where they discover and are captured by a tribe of one-eyed Beastmen, respectively.

    Surprisingly little is made of the fact that the Beastmen worship a hypnotically paralyzed woman. Ordinarily a reveal like this would be lead to the woman’s rescue being the focus of the rest of the adventure but this panel is her only appearance – is it possible that Captain Kidd thinks that she is merely a statue? A grim fate indeed. 

    Also: RIP Wango.

    The Beastman leader (referred to as “the Cyclop” throughout) of course turns out to be Perez, who went mad upon his discovery of the valley and somehow became the leader of the whole place. If I’m honest, the theoretical comic about the sequence of events that lead to that happening (and presumably to that poor woman becoming a goddess-statue) is more interesting than what we got.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 596: THE ROBOT SCIENTISTS OF VENUS

    (Fantastic Comics 003, 1940) 

    The Robot Scientists of Venus are not particularly noteworthy villains on a lot of axes but they are the bosses of perhaps the most visually distinctive groups of the Golden Age, the Leopard Women of Venus.

    What other comic could offer a visual like this: a bevy of bodacious blonde babes in red leopardprint bodysuits, surfing through space on lizard monsters and blazing away with their head-guns? Other Fletcher Hanks comics, I guess, plus early Wonder Woman. But the point stands!

    (here is where I will put a brief aside on the notion of “transmitting” as it exists in Fletcher Hanks comics. Conceptually, transmitting involves just that, the transmission of matter along a light or radio beam of some kind. In practice, it’s more like just being able to fly around in space without any kind of life support like the Leopard Women here)

    Sadly, the Leopard Women are mere vassals of the dominant Venusian race and we don’t really see them again. Happily, the dominant Venusian race are these cool robots! Their leaders appear to be these robot scientists, who seem to be running these Leopard Woman space raids without any clear goals. Sure, they plan on turning Dianna into a Leopard Woman but that seems to be more of a spur-of-the-moment decision.

    Luckily for them, Space Smith escapes before they have to figure out what to do with him. The rest of the adventure is just a series of encounters with colourful robots as they make their way to their spaceship, starting with these (delightfully and conscientiously masked) robot surgeons.

    Everyone in this panel is grumpy.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 551: THE MAD PROFESSOR

    (Smash Comics 004, 1939)

    It’s a classic set-up: squat in some out-of the-way location – an isolated island, a desert, or as in this case the mountains of Alaska – bring down planes or draw in ships using a big magnet or fake monster or as here an engine-killing ray, and bingo bango bongo you have your own fleet. You can supply your own crew or save even more money like the Mad Professor by subjecting the existing crew to a little light mind control.

    Exactly why the Mad Professor (unofficial name used in captions) is doing this is never elaborated on. As far as I can tell he’s got about 11 or so bombers which is hardly enough for the usual “take over the US” goal. Maybe he’s just after Alaska.

    One thing’s for sure: the Mad Professor has not been doing this for long. His organization is riddled with problems, including very lax prisoner handling guidelines that allow escapee Wings Wendall to roam free for a while before he’s even missed. 

    Even more problematic is his mind control process. Uh, beyond it being a mind control process to begin with, that is. But logistically he has more than a hundred captured US Army bomber crew, all of whom are drugged into servitude. Judging by the timeline of the comic, the drug lasts a maximum of about two days and the drugees come back to themselves almost instantly upon it wearing off. And yet the Mad Professor and his men are seemingly administering doses on an ad hoc basis to the entire group, just before it wears off. The capacity for catastrophic failure is enormous, even without a G-2 agent roaming the facility!

    (also note Wings Wendall displaying the weird anti-beard bias that I mention in the Memes of Yore entry)

    Like I said, all of the captured pilots are close to recovering from their drugged state and they easily overpower the salaried staff. The Mad Professor gets away but then Wings Wendall takes him out with his own ray, all without anyone getting a coherent list of goals out of the guy.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 494: THE INVENTOR

    (Big Shot Comics 008, 1940) 

    It’s a very big stretch, even by the standards of my own Unofficial Name convention, to call this guy the Inventor but it’s literally the only thing he’s referred to as other than “the man” and I just can’t keep calling these guys “Unnamed Scientist.” I just can’t.

    So! The Inventor has invented a very cool remote-controlled humanoid robot with a special poison-spraying device in the chest. We’ll skip my usual speculation into the potential value that could be reaped by selling this design for industrial purposes rather than using it for mere bank robbery because the Inventor is in fact a mad scientist and thus cannot be held to the same fiscal standards as his more rational colleagues.

    Let’s take a second to appreciate the classic stylings of this robot: cylinder head, pincer claws, speaker ears… all the great robot features in one cool guy.

    This might be a Tom Kerry story but the real hero of the piece is this night watchman who chooses not to pointlessly die in an attempt to protect the bank he works at and instead lives to clue the two-fisted District Attorney in on the culprit’s identity as a robot. I appreciate you, fella.

    Tom Kerry tracks the robot back to its lair by the simple expedient of clinging to the underside of the remote-controlled auto-gyro used to ferry both it and the money back to the Inventor. There he takes advantage of the fact that like a surprising percentage of Golden and Silver Age robots, this one’s exterior shell is easily removed and repurposed as a costume.

    The Inventor is essentially epically pranked into signing a confession, Tom Kerry battles a knife-wielding maniac in his boxer shorts and the whole thing wraps up with a sock to the jaw. No word on what became of that poor nude robot, though.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 494: THE INVENTOR

    (Big Shot Comics 008, 1940) 

    It’s a very big stretch, even by the standards of my own Unofficial Name convention, to call this guy the Inventor but it’s literally the only thing he’s referred to as other than “the man” and I just can’t keep calling these guys “Unnamed Scientist.” I just can’t.

    So! The Inventor has invented a very cool remote-controlled humanoid robot with a special poison-spraying device in the chest. We’ll skip my usual speculation into the potential value that could be reaped by selling this design for industrial purposes rather than using it for mere bank robbery because the Inventor is in fact a mad scientist and thus cannot be held to the same fiscal standards as his more rational colleagues.

    Let’s take a second to appreciate the classic stylings of this robot: cylinder head, pincer claws, speaker ears… all the great robot features in one cool guy.

    This might be a Tom Kerry story but the real hero of the piece is this night watchman who chooses not to pointlessly die in an attempt to protect the bank he works at and instead lives to clue the two-fisted District Attorney in on the culprit’s identity as a robot. I appreciate you, fella.

    Tom Kerry tracks the robot back to its lair by the simple expedient of clinging to the underside of the remote-controlled auto-gyro used to ferry both it and the money back to the Inventor. There he takes advantage of the fact that like a surprising percentage of Golden and Silver Age robots, this one’s exterior shell is easily removed and repurposed as a costume.

    The Inventor is essentially epically pranked into signing a confession, Tom Kerry battles a knife-wielding maniac in his boxer shorts and the whole thing wraps up with a sock to the jaw. No word on what became of that poor nude robot, though.