The Curse of Skeleton Munroe

Category: creep

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 797: JARK AND ZORG

    (Target Comics v1 007, 1940)

    Jark and Zorg, an alien duo of unknown provenance, continue the trend of Spacehawk villains who could broadly be described as space pirates. They also a) have a very hard pair of names to remember without accidentally mixing up some of the letters and b) are possibly the most phallic-looking alien designs that weren’t just ambulatory ding-dongs that I have ever seen.

    Jark and Zorg’s plan is… not simple, per se, but it doesn’t have a lot of steps. It goes like this: 

    1) get a planetoid and fit it with propulsion devices 

    2) fly around until you are in the path of a space freighter 

    3) use a tractor (bumper) beam to ensure that the freighter only crashes a little, so that the precious cargo is okay

    4) unleash a bunch of creatures called Snurls to wipe out the passengers and crew

    5) loot and profit

    It’s a solid enough plan, albeit one which requires a lot of advance effort and advanced technology, and Zorg even adds a step 6) kidnap a lady off of the first ship they bring down and transform her into an attractive phallus-alien for a little non-Jark companionship. Unfortunately for him, this particular lady is the same one who Spacehawk rescued from Grovak the Martian not two issues prior, and he seems to have some sort of Superman/Lois Lane ability to sense when she is in mortal peril, as despite Zorg’s certainty that their planetoid will never be discovered by the hero he is in fact already in orbit.

    Jark makes a go at taking care of Spacehawk with his atom rifle but it’s simply not enough firepower and he ends up mashed to a pulp.

    Zorg, building on his deceased partner’s efforts, seems to succeed where Jark failed, and further managed to unmask the Spacehawk to reveal that he was a robot the whole time!

    OR WAS HE? No, he wasn’t. Instead, the Spacehawk turns out to be a man with a collection of robot doubles that can substitute for him or otherwise aid him in his crusade against evil. Zorg ends up joining his partner in whatever afterlife that ding-dong aliens get and Spacehawk gets a smooch.

  • MAD AND CRIMINAL SCIENTIST ROUND-UP 016

    Can’t keep ’em down for long, these guys.

    Look, breeding up a giant amoeba in order to use it to spread terror and conquer the world is one thing, but deliberately going out of your way to feed it “pretty girls” is some real twisted incel shit. It’s a wonder that Dr Jorgen here just ends up in jail and not in the belly vacuoles of his creation. (Science Comics 006, 1940)

    Dr Borgia is a weird creep who becomes… infatuated? obsessed? with Marga the Panther Woman during a period in which she is working at a circus in the US. Stung by her rejection of his creepy overtures, Borgia conspires with the owner of a rival circus to kill Marga by using the same technique that von Dorf used to give her the power of a panther to give a tiger the added power of a lion, thus making it too powerful fro her to defeat.

    (and how galling for the ghost of von Dorf to see that Borgia knows his secrets after dying in a fire he caused while trying to burn that very information)

    Marga is of course more than a match for even a tiger with the proportionate strength of a lion and proceeds to murder not only it but Borgia and his associate Randler. She also gets so fired up by this process that she acquires a kind of feral vampire-from-Buffy look that may not ever appear again.  (Science Comics 006, 1940)

    With a thesis like “I reckon that humans won’t do well when deprived of water,” Bulvo here isn’t exactly pushing the boundaries or even basics of science. It’s just as well that the Eagle ends up blowing him up as he tries to destroy NYC’s water supply, as he would have been eviscerated in court, not to mention the mad scientist trade shows. (Science Comics 008, 1940) 

    Like his nemesis Iron Vic, Dr Spagna here suffers from the fact that the sole story in which he appears is incomplete. What we do know about him is that he used to work with Vic’s benefactor Professor Carvel and possibly even on the very serum that Carvel used on the near-corpse that would become Iron Vic, but Spagna was too eager to share his findings and ended up being laughed out of scientific society. This is a common origin story for evil scientist types, but Spagna seems to have taken it harder than most and has been sowing murder and chaos throughout New York City even before the plot outlined in his letter to Vic above.

    Iron Vic manages to foil 2/3 of Spagna’s plot before the adventure is cut off, never to be resumed (as far as I can tell). Presumably, Vic prevented the bombing of Jefferson Square Garden and brought Spagna to justice somehow, but if that involved further hints or revelations about Vic’s past, we will seemingly never know. (Single Series 022, 1940)

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 727: VOLTON

    (Science Comics 006, 1940)

    In the Science Comics 005, Dynamo develops his Brain-Wave Trap helmet which allows him to read the minds of everyone on Earth. Now, only one issue later, we discover that the range of this device is in fact interstellar, and furthermore that Dynamo can travel to other stars, as he receives a call for help from King Berin of Betelguese (sic) and gets himself there almost instantly – that’s somewhere between four and six hundred light years, folks! 

    (assuming that this is the same Betelgeuse as we all know and love – aside from the fact that it’s spelled slightly differently, it’s pretty consistently referred to as a planet instead of a star. Whatever the case, it’s still an impressive expansion of the range of Dynamo’s power)

    Dynamo asserts his heroic privilege by instantly determining which of two warring forces to side with and drives Volton’s attacking army from the field. Luckily, Volton is indeed the evil one of the two, as evidenced by the very creepy way he goes about abducting King Berin’s daughter Princess Glama.

    Here’s where I lay out my real problem with Volton: when Dynamo first shows up, Volton is deploying his Lightning Men to attack King Berin’s fortifications with their Electrode and Lightning Guns, and even his dang name is Volton. In short, I though that he was going to be another electricity powered guy and that we would see Dynamo in some sort of electric duel or similar. Instead, Volton’s personal theme is way more vulture-centric and electricity just seems to be a hobby of his, to the extent that he doesn’t consider all of the ramifications of trying to electrocute a depowered Dynamo to death and ends up being firmly punched out by a repowered Dynamo.

    There follows a 2.5 page interlude featuring what I will call an inexplicable and disastrous decision by Dynamo, as he transport Volton back to Earth with him and offers him a second chance, only for Volton to immediately blow up an entire city while gearing up for an attempt to take over our planet. Like, one panel immediately. Just why did Dynamo do this? Pagecount, I assume.

    Dynamo’s faith in alternative forms of justice is forever shattered by this experience, and Volton quickly finds himself hurtling headfirst into a Betelguesian prison.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 716: DEVALO

    (Rocket Comics 002, 1940)

    “Rocket Riley, Prince of the Planets” was the namesake strip of Rocket Comics, about lab assistant and pilot Rocket Riley, his boss and amazing hair-haver Professor Sterling and Sterling’s daughter/ Riley’s fiance Griselda. While preparing for an official unveiling of Professor Sterling’s new interplanetary rocket ship, the trio are accosted by spy Kurt von Stengle and his hireling and the whole bunch of them end up accidentally blasting off in the out-of control rocket.

    After a brief stop on an unnamed asteroid where von Stengle’s hireling is eaten by Octopus Men, Rocket and crew end up crash landing on Saturn, where things go even more pear-shaped as they are captured by the planet’s dictatorial ruler, Devalo.

    Devalo, also known as Divalo, has a real Satanic look going on and so I spent some time looking for a classical link between Saturn, Satan, the quality of being saturnine, etc., only to find very little. I’m sure that it’s something I’ve encountered before if only due to a general linking of the more evil-flavoured bits of Greek and Roman mythology and Christian underworld imagery, but there doesn’t seem to be an official-enough link to show up in places like Brewer’s Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, or indeed, Wikipedia.

    Nevertheless, Devalo is both Saturnian and Satanic and I would bet a small sum of money that he won’t be the last character we meet who fits both of those descriptions.

    The Saturnian Saturnite society ruled by Devalo is caste-based, with the military at the top, supported by the enslaved scientist caste. All manual labour is done by the Zeroes, whose bodies have been enhanced and intelligences stunted for maximum efficiency.

    Since von Stengle is the kind of villain who would, for instance, try to commandeer a spacecraft that is currently careening through space, he seizes the opportunity afforded him when everyone is rounded up by Devalo’s men to suggest that they might team up to invade the Earth. Stupidly opportunistic in his evil, that’s von Stengle for you.

    Our heroes manage to escape Devalo’s palace along with Saturnite scientist Xenox and his daughter Ladana, but after an encounter with some Sharkmen the group is scattered and only Rocket and Griselda manage to make it back to Professor Sterling’s ship. And that’s it! Rocket Comics ended with issue 3 and Devalo gets to remain not just uncaptured but firmly in charge. All we can do is rest assured that he would have been deposed in one to ten issues if the series had continued.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 707: PRINCE BLAGA DARU

    (Planet Comics 005, 1940) 

    Gale Allen was a long-running feature of Planet Comics, which meant that she was a creation of many absent-minded hands. She is always an officer in a gendered space organization, but whether that is the Women’s Space Battalion, the Girl’s Patrol, the Girl’s Squadron and so forth varies from issue to issue. The story is set in the far-off year of 1990 but drifts farther into the future over time. She turns blonde eventually. You get the picture. 

    Early Gale Allen stories feature spaceman Jack North as a real pill of a sidekick who spends much of his on-panel time carping on about how women don’t belong in the space military. They also feature Prince Blaga Daru, a space pirate-turned-world conqueror who has the hots for Gale, possibly because she is semi-secretly a Venusian princess but possibly just because he likes a strong woman.

    In his first appearance, Daru has already conquered Europe and set his eyes on invading North America, with Step I of his plan involving taking control of the the Sub-Oceanic Transit Tube, aka the Trans-Atlantic Subway. Gale Allen and her Falcon Squadron set out to stop him, and shockingly don’t succeed! That is, they do succeed in driving off the initial attack and then get captured by the Prince’s special Gale Allen task force, for you see he loves her and wants to marry her. She of course tells him to go screw and gets away with the help of Jim North.

    (the Prince’s world domination scheme is kiboshed in the subsequent issue and Blaga Daru himself is punched in the eye for his trouble)

    Prince Blaga Daru makes two more spends his next two appearances, in Planet Comics 009 and 011, and in both he has shifted his focus almost entirely to the pursuit of Gale Allen’s hand in marriage. But not by reforming and being a cool guy and courting her on her terms, no. Prince Blaga Daru is a space pirate, and space pirates kidnap their love interests and marry them against their wills. It’s a real culture clash, and it ends up with the Prince unceremoniously falling out of a spaceship door to his demise.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 707: PRINCE BLAGA DARU

    (Planet Comics 005, 1940) 

    Gale Allen was a long-running feature of Planet Comics, which meant that she was a creation of many absent-minded hands. She is always an officer in a gendered space organization, but whether that is the Women’s Space Battalion, the Girl’s Patrol, the Girl’s Squadron and so forth varies from issue to issue. The story is set in the far-off year of 1990 but drifts farther into the future over time. She turns blonde eventually. You get the picture. 

    Early Gale Allen stories feature spaceman Jack North as a real pill of a sidekick who spends much of his on-panel time carping on about how women don’t belong in the space military. They also feature Prince Blaga Daru, a space pirate-turned-world conqueror who has the hots for Gale, possibly because she is semi-secretly a Venusian princess but possibly just because he likes a strong woman.

    In his first appearance, Daru has already conquered Europe and set his eyes on invading North America, with Step I of his plan involving taking control of the the Sub-Oceanic Transit Tube, aka the Trans-Atlantic Subway. Gale Allen and her Falcon Squadron set out to stop him, and shockingly don’t succeed! That is, they do succeed in driving off the initial attack and then get captured by the Prince’s special Gale Allen task force, for you see he loves her and wants to marry her. She of course tells him to go screw and gets away with the help of Jim North.

    (the Prince’s world domination scheme is kiboshed in the subsequent issue and Blaga Daru himself is punched in the eye for his trouble)

    Prince Blaga Daru makes two more spends his next two appearances, in Planet Comics 009 and 011, and in both he has shifted his focus almost entirely to the pursuit of Gale Allen’s hand in marriage. But not by reforming and being a cool guy and courting her on her terms, no. Prince Blaga Daru is a space pirate, and space pirates kidnap their love interests and marry them against their wills. It’s a real culture clash, and it ends up with the Prince unceremoniously falling out of a spaceship door to his demise.

  • MAD AND CRIMINAL SCIENTIST ROUND-UP 014

    Don’t bother asking to see their degrees.

    This unnamed scientist has been kidnapping preteens and changing them into hulking brutes via some pretty fantastical brain surgery. He of course gets his ass fatally handed to him by the Red Panther but not before he goes on about producing a new super race and as always I have to question your devotion to science if you think that your physical alterations to these kids are going to be passed on. Who are you, Lamarck? You’re going to be performing brain operations on babies all day every day. (Jungle Comics 009, 1940)

    Von Blumb is a scientist who is saved from death and treated well by Camilla in her Lost Empire, then heads off into the wilderness to further his research. When he doesn’t return after a few weeks, Camilla and Sir Champion head out to check on him and he repays their consideration by capturing them and subjecting them to his reducing serum and adding them to his collection of unwilling subjects. Long story short, they get loose, defeat his pet spider in gladiatorial combat and he gets squashed by a rock. (Jungle Comics 012, 1940)

    Von Lohfer is a scientist with a grudge against John D Rockefeller stand-in J B Rockland, who called him a fake and ruined his life. But if Rockland was claiming that von Lohfer was unable to mind control a bunch of cops into doing his bidding he was dead wrong, because that’s just what he does until he is ultimately stopped by Quicksilver. (National Comics 005, 1940)

    Dr Morbidd has a great name and a really remarkable facial deformity, and he’s been using science to raise people from the dead to do his bidding. This is all solid stuff but it doesn’t amount to much actual super-villainy. There’s some allusion to Morbidd’s science zombies being sent out to do murders but the major thing he seems to be interested in is being a real creep to this one young woman he has captured. It would be quite narratively satisfying if he met his end at the hands of his own creations, but sadly he gets his head blown clean off when Merlin the Magician reflects his own death ray beam back at him. (National Comics 005, 1940)

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 699: AGRA

    MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 699: AGRA

    (Planet Comics 002, 1940)

    We are introduced to Agra when Earth-woman Ava bursts in to Auro. Lord of Jupiter’s court to warn him that Agra intends to kill him. She really talks up Agra’s prowess vis-a-vis elephant- human- and tree-slaying, and hopefully takes the time to describe his outfit which for all the world looks like it was designed by Mike Grell just after he finished with Disco Era Cosmic Boy.

    Auro of course does not know the meaning of the word retreat, even after suffering a particularly gruesome-sounding wound at the fangs of an escaped gorilla that he can only blame himself for having in his palace in the first place

    Agra and his band of hooligans soon arrive to force the confrontation, despite the protestations of Auro’s followers. The important thing to not here is the stripe of hair running down each of these guys’ heads, which is the sign that they are Jovians and makes it easy to tell when someone in an Auro strip is an Earth human or not. Except when the artist forgets. Or when it’s clearly a generic jungle adventure with “AURO”  and “JUPITER” written in as appropriate. Also, I think that Jovian women probably have regular-style hair because Golden Age artists could not countenance drawing a dame without some flowing locks.

    All this build up of Agra was of course just just to build up how mighty Auro is for not only defeating him one handed but doing it with a single punch. An effective narrative technique, albeit one that ends up in a high mortality rate for third-string super-villains in later years.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 694: SARKO

    (Planet Comics 001, 1940)

    We’re in the 1940 run of Planet Comics now, so look out for a fair few of space tyrants with one-word nonsense names. Like Sarko here! Sarko is an Earth man who came to Mars in 1933 and set about conquering the dark side of the planet. Now it’s the near future and Sarko has his sights set on taking over the remainder of Mars and the light-side city of Ru in particular. 

    The… Ruvians? No demonym is provided. The Ruvians aren’t really up to the task of defending their domed city from Sarko and his army of One-Eyed Monster Men, but lucky for them intrepid space explorer Flint Baker and his crew of condemned murderers (plus New York Globe reporter and stowaway Mimi Wilson) have arrived just in time to help out.

    In an even greater coincidence, crewman Cliff Grant recognizes Sarko! It turns out that he was in jail for a series of murders committed while under the mental control of a man named Sappo and that Sappo is in fact the same guy! It’s a heckuva thing folks, but that’s comics for you.

    Grant almost gets his revenge, too, but doesn’t quite stick the landing. Sarko manages to kill Grant but is then taken down by another member of Baker’s crew. Mars and Ru are saved!

    BONUS: finding a crashed spaceship from decades earlier is an objectively very funny thing to happen to someone who was just crowing about being the first human on Mars.

    Heck! I almost forgot to show the One-Eyed Monster Men of Mars! Well, here one is.

  • PROBLEMATIC ROUND-UP 003

    This edition of the Problematic Round-Up is devoted to minor MLJ character Fu Chang and his foes.

    Fu Chang:

    Reading Charlie Chan comics has absolutely messed my head up in a specific way: because Charlie Chan is so clearly a project with the set goal of having a Chinese character who is not an overt racist Yellow Peril stereotype (while, yes, being pretty racist in a bunch of other ways) I give it more of the benefit of the doubt than I otherwise would. For instance, I just kind of skim most of what Charlie Chan says because actually parsing it is very painful. 

    The problem is, I keep automatically giving various other series featuring Chinese American detectives the benefit of the doubt, and very few of them are also earnest-but-flawed attempts to avoid the overtly racist tropes of the day. This is all to say Fu Chang and his adventures are pretty racist and it caught me off guard and I had to work through it here.

    So: Fu Chang is an American educated Chinese man (with a more Caucasian skin tone than the bright yellow Evil Chinese such as the Dragon, below) who is very dedicated to his (personal? family?) god and as a result has been gifted a chess set with “all the magic powers of Aladdin’s Lamp” (and this smearing of everything East of the Mediterranean into one big exotic mess is classic Orientalism) which in effect means that he has a bunch of little guys at hand to do his bidding.

    If there’s one fun thing about Fu Chang, it’s trying to figure out exactly what the heck kind of game this chess set could be used for. Here are the known pieces:

    – the Warrior – just a little guy, used to spy on folks

    – unnamed stage magician – has ESP or other way of locating hidden objects

    – the Little Man of Magic – a magician in the Indian mystic vein. More talkative and proactive than many others. Able to paralyze humans via magic 

    – the Doctor – healing plus some hand-to hand. Also has wings in one story

    – the Mermaid – amphibious

    – the Woodsman – tree-chopping action

    – a pilot – can fly a plane but the plane is sold separately

    – group of men in suits plus military officer and a jodhpured adventurer – engage in combat with the Tiger-Devil

    – Seen but never used: the shirtless guy, the blonde lady in the red dress, the policeman, the crook, the fat bald guy

    – winged people – obviously they can fly. As the series goes on the winged figures show up more and more until the last few adventures feature nothing but up to a couple of dozen of them.

    I suppose it’s possible that you could cobble together a complete chess set out of those. Obviously the winged guys would be the pawns, but where would the mermaid come in? Even more concerning than the fact that there might not have been a complete Fu Chang lore bible with detailed breakdowns of all the chess pieces and their powers is the constant slander of Aladdin’s lamp. Unless Fu Chang and his god have a chronic lack of imagination, this is a pretty weak showing from a fabled object. (Pep Comics 001, 1940)

    the Dragon:

    The Dragon is really notable only for his fantastic name as well as to illustrate the weird vibes-based skin-colouring in the Fu Chang comic – the more good and Westernized you are, the pinker your skin. Otherwise he’s a creep and a low-level Yellow Peril gangster. (Pep Comics 001, 1940)

    the Cult of the Tiger-Devil: 

    While I love the Tiger-Devil itself, the Tiger-Devil Cult that serves and has summoned him is some pan-Asian degeneracy nonsense straight out of Lovecraft. Serves them right for summoning a demon to conquer the world with that it gets beaten up by a bunch of little chessmen – though the Tiger-Devil has dominion over all men, the chess pieces are no men. 

    If the MLJ Universe hadn’t stopped being a continuous continuity in the early 90s it might be more significant that the Tiger-Devil ends up sealed in a jar and dropped into San Francisco Bay. Alas. (Pep Comics 002, 1940)

    the Drug-Master:

    It’s a Fu Chang sweep for this instalment of the Problematic Round-Up with Ghor here, aka the Drug-Master, a very hard-core name that I wish I could celebrate a bit more but no: he’s yet another Yellow Peril type with a bit of added spice in that he is also involved in the sinister Asian Drug Trade. Specifically, he’s bringing a powerful new drug into San Francisco’s Chinatown, one so addictive that it makes anyone his slave rather than do without it, even Fu Chang’s fiance Tay Ming. It’s so potent, in fact, that withdrawal induces a suicidal/homicidal frenzy and since the Drug-Master does not seem to be a particularly good boss, he’s letting his drug slaves go into withdrawal all over town. As is usually the case, the skills that make a criminal successful in human circles are of little use against a bunch of Fu Chang’s tiny guys and the Drug-Master ends up blowing himself to kingdom come. (Pep Comics 003, 1940)