The Curse of Skeleton Munroe

Category: good henchmen

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 257: THE SWORDS OF DEATH

    (Hit Comics 006, 1940)

    Once again we find ourselves profiling the interesting henchmen of a run-of-the-mill villain: the Swords of Death, in this case. A trio of assassin/ thieves armed with electrified rapiers and high opinions of themselves, the Swords have the misfortune to run into perennial-punching-bag-but-actually-fun-character the Red Bee on what seems to be their first mission, whereupon he promptly kills two of them.  

    I like the Swords of Death – any time a hero has to beat up a bunch of cool henchmen is okay by me, and cool electric swordsmen who sneak around in hats and overcoats like the Ninja Turtles are extra fun. Possibly the most intriguing thing about them, however, is that the surviving member of the three kills himself upon being defeated by the Red Bee, rather than be captured. A shocking degree of loyalty! Especially as…

    … he works for this weird little creep (named Kulak, in a weird made-up name coincidence), continuing the long comic book tradition of inexplicable loyalty-unto-death by ruthless killers toward people who probably wouldn’t buy them a coffee on their birthday, let alone give a damn that they were dead.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 257: THE SWORDS OF DEATH

    (Hit Comics 006, 1940)

    Once again we find ourselves profiling the interesting henchmen of a run-of-the-mill villain: the Swords of Death, in this case. A trio of assassin/ thieves armed with electrified rapiers and high opinions of themselves, the Swords have the misfortune to run into perennial-punching-bag-but-actually-fun-character the Red Bee on what seems to be their first mission, whereupon he promptly kills two of them.  

    I like the Swords of Death – any time a hero has to beat up a bunch of cool henchmen is okay by me, and cool electric swordsmen who sneak around in hats and overcoats like the Ninja Turtles are extra fun. Possibly the most intriguing thing about them, however, is that the surviving member of the three kills himself upon being defeated by the Red Bee, rather than be captured. A shocking degree of loyalty! Especially as…

    … he works for this weird little creep (named Kulak, in a weird made-up name coincidence), continuing the long comic book tradition of inexplicable loyalty-unto-death by ruthless killers toward people who probably wouldn’t buy them a coffee on their birthday, let alone give a damn that they were dead.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 253: THE WHITE DRAGON

    (Flash Comics v1 023, 1941)

    Not much to say about the White Dragon: he’s a guy with a bunch of costumed henchmen who captures Chinese folk in NYC and uses them as slave labour in his motor factory until the Whip settles his hash.

    He is of course Walter Morgan, a guy who brags to Rod “the Whip” Gaynor about how well he’s doing in the motor business on the first page of the story. About the only interesting thing to be found here is a one-panel whip duel between Our Hero and the White Dragon, They can’t all be great, folks!

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 253: THE WHITE DRAGON

    (Flash Comics v1 023, 1941)

    Not much to say about the White Dragon: he’s a guy with a bunch of costumed henchmen who captures Chinese folk in NYC and uses them as slave labour in his motor factory until the Whip settles his hash.

    He is of course Walter Morgan, a guy who brags to Rod “the Whip” Gaynor about how well he’s doing in the motor business on the first page of the story. About the only interesting thing to be found here is a one-panel whip duel between Our Hero and the White Dragon, They can’t all be great, folks!

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 248: THE GOLDEN MUMMY

    (Flash Comics v1 017, 1941)

    It’s the Golden Mummy! As I have previously stated, I love fake mummies and had read this issue before, so I was anticipating this fellow’s appearance with some joy, and it is with great sadness that I must announce that he’s a complete disappointment.

    My threshold for fake mummy appreciation is quite low – usually they just steal a few antiquities before getting tripped up by Archie and Jughead or the Scooby Gang, after all – but the Golden Mummy’s only admirable quality is his dedication to theme. He has the costume, a cave hideout, a bunch of gangsters that he paid well enough to paint themselves gold and pretend to be called the Sect of the Golden Mummy (and of course the only thing better than henchmen in themed costumes is when they also have a cool name). 

    . He even dies lamely, by stumbling into a trap set for Hawkman.

    So why do I dislike this guy so much? The reason is twofold: firstly, the whole Golden Mummy thing is just some incel shit: he’s a guy named Dr Selkirk getting revenge on his ex-fiance for dumping him by murdering her. This is one of those motivations that sucks some of the fun out of super-villain analysis.

    Secondly: the Golden Mummy is a completely unnecessary affectation. He kills her as she’s onstage singing opera, via a poisoned blowdart. The Mummy and his Sect spend the entire adventure coping with Hawkman, and it kind of seems like Selkirk made up the persona expressly because he was afraid of Hawkman – I don’t know if he’d have gotten away with it by not calling attention to himself with cryptic warnings and golden men but it couldn’t have hurt.

    Boo to the Golden Mummy. Booo!

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 239: DR BRINE

    (Flash Comics v1 008, 1940)

    Dr Brine should be in the soon-to-be-unveiled first roundup of minor mad and criminal scientists who don’t quite qualify as super-villains. He’s a guy in a purple pin-stripe suit who has a plan to steal a bunch of submarines and then profit from that somehow. There are two very important reasons for his inclusion here:

    1. He’s either a guy who named himself Dr Brine after getting into the submarine piracy game or (even better) he’s a guy who was named Jared Brine or similar and the souped up nominative determinism of the DCU steered him through grad school and right into a job hijacking submarines.

    2. His evil science specialty is that he figured outa way to make his henchmen semi-amphibious, and that the method in question, seen above, is that they must go raw vegan. 

    10/10 top-tier crime scientist, no notes. 

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 239: DR BRINE

    (Flash Comics v1 008, 1940)

    Dr Brine should be in the soon-to-be-unveiled first roundup of minor mad and criminal scientists who don’t quite qualify as super-villains. He’s a guy in a purple pin-stripe suit who has a plan to steal a bunch of submarines and then profit from that somehow. There are two very important reasons for his inclusion here:

    1. He’s either a guy who named himself Dr Brine after getting into the submarine piracy game or (even better) he’s a guy who was named Jared Brine or similar and the souped up nominative determinism of the DCU steered him through grad school and right into a job hijacking submarines.

    2. His evil science specialty is that he figured outa way to make his henchmen semi-amphibious, and that the method in question, seen above, is that they must go raw vegan. 

    10/10 top-tier crime scientist, no notes. 

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 232: THE THOUGHT TERROR

    (Flash Comics v1 004, 1940)

    I have complicated feelings about the Thought Terror! He has both good and bad traits! 

    Off the bat, the basics. His costume choice is pretty entry level for the Golden Age, but suitable for a guy who employs eye-based super-powers (which he does) and wants to project a certain aura of fear. 

    His name, by contrast, is both unusual and bad, and made all the worse for the fact that it’s almost good. Terror is usually a decent word to use in a name but it just doesn’t have the gravitas to work with a mealy word like Thought. The Thought Tyrant, the Thought Titan, the Thinking Terror… there had to be a better name.

    But maybe a poorly thought-out name is appropriate for this guy, because he’s not a very good planner in general. See, he has these amazing hypnotic powers, and he uses them to convince a little cult of people that he has amazing precognitive powers. He tells fortunes at a hundred bucks a pop and then fulfils them by planting hypnotic suggestions in his subjects’ minds, causing them to act out his predictions.

    Ordinarily, I’d be cheering for this guy – the thing that thinking a lot about super-villains does is give you a lot of opinions about how they should all just stick to easy small-scale scores and that’s what this is – but TT must be getting bored, because he’s making predictions like “you’re going to get drunk and wander into traffic,” and if you’re running a cult complete with costumed goons in New York City in a SUPER-HERO UNIVERSE the thing you absolutely do not want to do is draw attention to yourself by, for instance, killing someone.

    (this does of course happen – Hawkman shows up and ruins the whole operation, including the Thought Terror’s mind)

    One point in the Thought Terror’s favour is his use of costumed goons, in this case dressed just like him and given a dose of hypnotic mind-over-matter treatment such that they are physical powerhouses. Always a great choice, costumed goons. Plus they’re called the Mesmerized Men, a great name!

    Wildly, Thought Terror (without the “the”, not that it improves the name) was brought back in the year of our Lord 2005 along with several other Golden and Silver Age Hawkman foes (Thought Terror specifically in Hawkman v4 039). He’s just kind of a super-torturer, though, and he just kind of disappears halfway through the issue. I guess that’s about as good as he could hope to get.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 210: THE SPECTRE

    (Crackajack Funnies 035-037, 1941) 

    There’s a lot to like about the Spectre. His motivation is okay – his face was blasted off by American shelling in WWI and he wants revenge – and his execution is nonexistent as he ends up getting caught during the planning and preparation stage. It’s the trappings that really do it for me.

    Fist up: costumes. The Spectre’s own is okay, but I have nothing but joy in my heart when I see henchmen dressed in such simple yet effective outfits. Stylish, easily recognizable, easy to remove in a pinch… they have it all!

    Next: lore. The Spectre’s story isn’t told until the third issue of the three he appears in but part of it is that in the 20 years since he vowed revenge on America he hasn’t slept, and in support of this, in basically every panel he appears in he is chugging coffee. A small but fun (and visually charming) detail.

    Finally: progressive values. All of the above panels feature a blonde woman. This is Miss Owl, the Owl’s fiancé/ crimefighting partner who has been captured in the mistaken belief that she herself is the Owl. And the Spectre – outbursts about “American women” aside – is perfectly willing to accept this, and to accept the services of a seemingly turncoat Owl. He might be a partially-exploded revenge-driven warmonger who probably went insane from lack of sleep decades ago but he isn’t a misogynist.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 203: BLACKBEARD

    (Crack Comics 016, 1941)

    I keep saying that space pirates are too thick on the ground to include every one despite my inclinations but Blackbeard here overruled me on several fronts, including:

    -Overall look: that’s basically a perfect look for a futuristic pirate (it’s not obvious from this image but I reckon that he’s shirtless under the coat, btw). Maybe swap the beret out for a more traditional hat but that would be the only thing I’d change.

    -Name: can’t go wrong with a classic.

    -Henchmen:

    Blackbeard’s crew are the Outlaws of Jupiter, and their names are things like One-Arm Ganz, Patch-Eye Tork and Half-Face McGurk. And Gilene, of course, who seems not to have suffered any sort of nickname-worthy injury.

    It’s all great stuff, even though Blackbeard’s only attempted crime – hijack a shipment of ray guns – is foiled immediately by the Space Legion.