The Curse of Skeleton Munroe

Category: bring ’em back

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 645: SNEELY

    (Fight Comics 004, 1940)

    Kinks Mason is deep sea fishing with some friend when one of them lands a swordfish that is covered in gold and jewels! Just where did these riches come from? The answer is unguessable!

    Upon reaching the ocean floor, Kinks discovers that the swordfish was covered in pirate gold, and furthermore, he finds the pirate! Sneely (Pirate Terror of the Seven Seas, the Great, the Magnificent) is an old-time pirate who claims that he drank a magic potion that allowed him to live seemingly indefinitely underwater and who guards his ill-gotten treasure both personally and with a school of trained swordfish. Is attaining near-immortality and then spending it guarding a pile of shiny metal that only has value if you actually spend it on something a huge waste? Indeed it is! It’s absolute dragon behaviour is what it is.

    Sneely is exactly the kind of weird wild completely un-fleshed-out villain that you get for a character like Kinks Mason who a) isn’t one of the real top-tier guys in the book he appears in and b) has a niche role. Every issue, Kinks dives into the ocean for 5 to 8 pages and he has to find a challenge to overcome down there and sometimes it’s a, immortal amphibious pirate with the world’s most Xtreme Hoarding Problem. 

    Probably the best thing about Sneely is the one that never got capitalized on: that he’s seemingly still alive at the end of the story, as Kinks Mason just konks him on the head with a thighbone before making off with the treasure. And while an immortal amphibious pirate squatting on a pile of gold at the bottom of the ocean is a bit of an underwhelming idea for a comic book, an immortal amphibious pirate who Wants His Treasure Back is a cool recurring enemy. I say BRING BACK Sneely, in concept if not as an actual character.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 617: MOROSIO

    (Fantastic Comics 007, 1940)

    Like so many Space Smith adventures do, this one begins with Space and his ladyfriend Dianna being waylaid as they make their way around the Solar System. In this case a mysterious gas disables their spaceship and causes them to land on the moon Ganymede. From whence did this gas come? Why, it was the sinister laboratory of Morosio, not just a mad and/or criminal scientist but a mad and/or criminal scientist who has already been caught once and escaped to do further science crimes and/or madness.

    I like his sass (“Say Emperor Morosio”) and I love a villain with pre-baked backstory but I gotta say that Morosio’s hair leaves a lot to be desired.

    The really great thing about Morosio is that his henchmen of choice are these fellows who he made with his own two hands. They’re called the Crustaceans and they are peak character design. The base model is the size of a large cat, with a lobster body and a crab claw head, but they can range in size all the way up to maybe five feet tall. They have between zero and two arms and either have wings or little bipedal legs… I think that given a more advanced colour palette and a visual guide to different crab claw shapes you could populate an entire video game enemy ecosystem based off of the Crustacean design.

    The major flaw in the Crustaceans as henchmen is that they are vulnerable to radioactive beryllium, in that it makes them explode. Coincidentally, Ganymede is littered with radioactive beryllium, to the extent that not only is Space Smith able to defeat the entire Crustacean swam using a slingshot but also blow up Morosio’s whole operation to hell and gone with some spare radiation. A true design oversight!

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 545: “?”

    (Smash Comics 002, 1939)

    An art thief, but an audacious art thief. “?” is so-named because he sends a message signed thus to the Paris Prefect of Police warning that he would steal the Mona Lisa from the Louvre and then actually does it from under the noses of the Prefect, the police and Captain Cook of Scotland Yard. Like, while in the same room as them – he just hits the lights and grabs the painting.

    Then, a couple of days later, another note from “?” saying that he is going to put the painting back! And he approaches this task with the same level of audacity: reveal the location of the painting and then out the window.

    Too bad for “?” that reckless audacity can be a bit predictable – he is immediately corralled on the street below and turns out to be criminal Renee Landrue, who simply stole the painting as a way to sell on 4 forged copies of the Mona Lisa. It’s practically not even a crime! If only he hadn’t tried to blow up Captain Cook and the Prefect in between the theft and the return, he’d practically be a folk hero! BRING BACK the audacious French thief “?”, I say! Give Batman’s filing system a workout!

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 545: “?”

    (Smash Comics 002, 1939)

    An art thief, but an audacious art thief. “?” is so-named because he sends a message signed thus to the Paris Prefect of Police warning that he would steal the Mona Lisa from the Louvre and then actually does it from under the noses of the Prefect, the police and Captain Cook of Scotland Yard. Like, while in the same room as them – he just hits the lights and grabs the painting.

    Then, a couple of days later, another note from “?” saying that he is going to put the painting back! And he approaches this task with the same level of audacity: reveal the location of the painting and then out the window.

    Too bad for “?” that reckless audacity can be a bit predictable – he is immediately corralled on the street below and turns out to be criminal Renee Landrue, who simply stole the painting as a way to sell on 4 forged copies of the Mona Lisa. It’s practically not even a crime! If only he hadn’t tried to blow up Captain Cook and the Prefect in between the theft and the return, he’d practically be a folk hero! BRING BACK the audacious French thief “?”, I say! Give Batman’s filing system a workout!

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 523: NATCHA

    MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 523: NATCHA

    (Blue Ribbon Comics 008, 1941) 

    Technically, Natcha is just another costumed gang boss, but she has a lot more style than you usually get with those.

    This being MLJ’s Hercules, Natcha is thematically linked to one of his iconic Twelve Labours, in this case the theft of the Girdle of Hippolyta. Of course, this version of Hercules was ridding the ancient world of evil rather than atoning for his own crimes via arbitrarily hard tasks, so the girdle doesn’t come into it and Hippolyta is implied to have been a villain of some sort whom Hercules reformed.

    Natcha’s victim here ends up as an ad hoc sidekick to Hercules for this adventure and gets saddled with the name “Little Zooey” for no apparent reason, despite his vigorous protests.

    I really like Natcha! She’s much more of a bruiser than most lady crooks of the Golden Age! Sure she’s a crook but she’s a crook with panache. Not that that helps her when a literal demigod shows up on her doorstep, even if he does have to take care of Little Zooey.

    Both Natcha and Little Zooey are set to reappear in future Hercules adventures but are instead banished to comic book limbo thanks to the Hercules feature never appearing again, a sad end for about one and a half good characters. Natcha in particular should absolutely be BRUNG BACK the next time someone takes a pass at reviving the Archie super-heroes even if Hercules is left in the big pile of also-rans with Lancelot Strong and the Wizard.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 502: THE GREEN SORCERESS

    MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 502: THE GREEN SORCERESS

    (Blue Bolt v1 001, 1940) 

    The Green Sorceress! Possibly named Norzimo, absolutely the ruler of the underground kingdom of Voltor aka the Hidden Empire aka the Green Empire. Locked in a cold war with Dr Bertoff, leader of Deltos aka the Scientific City, as she wants the Deltosan radium fields in order to power her war machines and invade the surface while he wants to destroy her kingdom and everyone in it.

    According to Bertoff, the Green Sorceress is descended from a long line of black magic practicioners. Appropriately, she demonstrates some magical skill herself, mostly related to teleportation via a green mist, though she does summon at least one demon.

    There’s a Batman/ Catwoman aspect to the relationship between Blue Bolt and the Green Sorceress, in that they are absolutely horny for one another and keep infuriating their allies by letting the other get away rather than taking victory at the cost of the other’s life. The Green Sorceress even reforms a couple of times (well, sh’e brainwashed by Bertoff once and reforms another) but just can’t quit her evil ways.

    (Professor Bertoff would absolutely be a super-villain if a) his main opponent weren’t a bigger one and b) his main ally weren’t a super-hero)

    The greatest change to the status quo of the underground kingdoms comes in Blue Bolt v1 007 when the Green Sorceress manages to force a surrender of Scientific City by capturing Blue Bolt (note the incredible power play of calling from bed). Her hamfisted scientists set off an series of enormous explosions in the radium fields and open a passage to the surface. This is the point at which a captured surface man calls the inhabitants of the Green Kingdom “scientific barbarians” and it’s a really terrific characterization that has to have been a Kirby contribution if only because of how prominent a theme it would be in his later work.

    In Blue Bolt v1 009 the Green Sorceress hits the surface in a new identity: the Masked Princess! Supposedly European royalty travelling incognito, the Masked Princess was actually a highly efficient one woman espionage unit who vamped intelligence agents and other important men and then hypnotized them into revealing their secrets. Unfortunately for her, the very instant she left her minions managed to let Blue Bolt get away and he ends up following her to the surface to bust up the Masked Princess’ operation.

    Simon and Kirby leave Blue Bolt after issue 10, at which point the Green Sorceress has reformed again, this time after being saved by Blue Bolt from a terrible end that will be detailed soonish. We will eventually see her again but it’s not the triumphant return that she deserves – I reckon that in the right hands and with a slightly more interesting foe the Green Sorceress could be a real classic super-villain – the hot-headed wizard-queen of a nation of Kirbyesque scientific barbarians striking from a land beneath those we know, plus there’s a different, slightly less evil guy trying to kill her at the same time? this is fertile storytelling ground! BRING her BACK, someone!

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 502: THE GREEN SORCERESS

    (Blue Bolt v1 001, 1940) 

    The Green Sorceress! Possibly named Norzimo, absolutely the ruler of the underground kingdom of Voltor aka the Hidden Empire aka the Green Empire. Locked in a cold war with Dr Bertoff, leader of Deltos aka the Scientific City, as she wants the Deltosan radium fields in order to power her war machines and invade the surface while he wants to destroy her kingdom and everyone in it.

    According to Bertoff, the Green Sorceress is descended from a long line of black magic practicioners. Appropriately, she demonstrates some magical skill herself, mostly related to teleportation via a green mist, though she does summon at least one demon.

    There’s a Batman/ Catwoman aspect to the relationship between Blue Bolt and the Green Sorceress, in that they are absolutely horny for one another and keep infuriating their allies by letting the other get away rather than taking victory at the cost of the other’s life. The Green Sorceress even reforms a couple of times (well, sh’e brainwashed by Bertoff once and reforms another) but just can’t quit her evil ways.

    (Professor Bertoff would absolutely be a super-villain if a) his main opponent weren’t a bigger one and b) his main ally weren’t a super-hero)

    The greatest change to the status quo of the underground kingdoms comes in Blue Bolt v1 007 when the Green Sorceress manages to force a surrender of Scientific City by capturing Blue Bolt (note the incredible power play of calling from bed). Her hamfisted scientists set off an series of enormous explosions in the radium fields and open a passage to the surface. This is the point at which a captured surface man calls the inhabitants of the Green Kingdom “scientific barbarians” and it’s a really terrific characterization that has to have been a Kirby contribution if only because of how prominent a theme it would be in his later work.

    In Blue Bolt v1 009 the Green Sorceress hits the surface in a new identity: the Masked Princess! Supposedly European royalty travelling incognito, the Masked Princess was actually a highly efficient one woman espionage unit who vamped intelligence agents and other important men and then hypnotized them into revealing their secrets. Unfortunately for her, the very instant she left her minions managed to let Blue Bolt get away and he ends up following her to the surface to bust up the Masked Princess’ operation.

    Simon and Kirby leave Blue Bolt after issue 10, at which point the Green Sorceress has reformed again, this time after being saved by Blue Bolt from a terrible end that will be detailed soonish. We will eventually see her again but it’s not the triumphant return that she deserves – I reckon that in the right hands and with a slightly more interesting foe the Green Sorceress could be a real classic super-villain – the hot-headed wizard-queen of a nation of Kirbyesque scientific barbarians striking from a land beneath those we know, plus there’s a different, slightly less evil guy trying to kill her at the same time? this is fertile storytelling ground! BRING her BACK, someone!

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 482: DR KRAKO

    (Big 3 Comics 003, 1941)

    Dr Krako is a 1940s Blue Beetle villain, so he’s a (gang boss/ criminal scientist) attempting to (kill Blue Beetle and then take over the city/ take over the city if he has to kill Blue Beetle to do it). He also has the optional Dr Dodo Memorial Sidequest of trying to kill Joan Mason because she is somehow the only person to know what he looks like even though he is going by his own name and, in fact, skywriting it above the city as part of some nebulous ransom notes.

    But though the broad strokes of Dr Krako’s scheme may be a bit formulaic the specifics are anything but. Skeletons! He has a way to control skeletons with electricity! Skeletons driving cars and shooting bullets out of their heads!

    Skeletons walking around and kidnapping people!

    This skeleton is about to explode! In fact, that’s implicitly the foundation of Dr Krako’s entire scheme – he’s going to march a bunch of skeletons into NYC York City and explode them, then profit somehow. Sadly we never actually see it as he commits the cardinal super-villain sin of having the hero at his mercy and then messing around with deathtraps and such rather than just bumping him off. Obviously I care nothing for Dr Krako himself but his skeleton tech should be BRUNG BACK at the earliest convenience.

  • MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 482: DR KRAKO

    MINOR SUPER-VILLAIN 482: DR KRAKO

    (Big 3 Comics 003, 1941)

    Dr Krako is a 1940s Blue Beetle villain, so he’s a (gang boss/ criminal scientist) attempting to (kill Blue Beetle and then take over the city/ take over the city if he has to kill Blue Beetle to do it). He also has the optional Dr Dodo Memorial Sidequest of trying to kill Joan Mason because she is somehow the only person to know what he looks like even though he is going by his own name and, in fact, skywriting it above the city as part of some nebulous ransom notes.

    But though the broad strokes of Dr Krako’s scheme may be a bit formulaic the specifics are anything but. Skeletons! He has a way to control skeletons with electricity! Skeletons driving cars and shooting bullets out of their heads!

    Skeletons walking around and kidnapping people!

    This skeleton is about to explode! In fact, that’s implicitly the foundation of Dr Krako’s entire scheme – he’s going to march a bunch of skeletons into NYC York City and explode them, then profit somehow. Sadly we never actually see it as he commits the cardinal super-villain sin of having the hero at his mercy and then messing around with deathtraps and such rather than just bumping him off. Obviously I care nothing for Dr Krako himself but his skeleton tech should be BRUNG BACK at the earliest convenience.

  • MINOR SUPER-HERO 051: HERCULES

    (Mystic Comics v1 003)

    Every long running super-hero universe is going to acquire some Herculeses and the Marvel Universe might just have the most of all – I counted an even dozen just now and I’m sure there are more that aren’t properly documented on the fan wikis – the DCU doesn’t come close even if you count reboots of the same characters. Why? Not sure!

    This Hercules is the son of one Dr David, raised on Snow Island in the Arctic to be a mental and physical paragon. He’s super-strong and though his height is pretty inconsistent he’s gotta be at least eight and up to ten feet tall. He busts up one mad scientist and saves a town from a flood but that’s about it. Personally I think that he should come back (sorry, BRUNG BACK), just to add a little confusion to the modern Marvel Hercules scene.