You’re never going to believe how many dang aliens we have around here.

Meteor-Monsters:

When biology Professor Rudolph Norsen finds some seeds on a recently-fallen meteor you just know that he’s going to plant them on the off chance that they might sprout. And they do! In no time at all they have grown into tuberous plant monsters sporting prehensile tendrils, eyestalks and long serrated tonguelike structures – as far as plant monsters go the only thing they’re missing is some leaf-hair.

The Meteor-Monsters (closest thing to an official name we get) never speak or even project a thought balloon, so we don’t end up with a lot of information about them. They show some signs of intelligence, but without further information it seems equally likely that their arrival on the meteorite was an intentional colonization effort, a part of some fantastical life cycle or just a huge cosmic happenstance.

What is certain is that they have an insatiable appetite for carbon, and that ingesting that carbon (mainly in the form of hapless humanity) fuels an absurdly rapid growth, as can be seen above as giant plant beasts rampage through a small town mere hours after first sprouting.

Though the Vision arrives to deal with the threat before it spirals out of control, it is Professor Norsen who discovers the solution to the problem that he unwittingly caused: perhaps as a result of their rapid growth process, the Meteor-Monsters are fundamentally unstable creatures who explode when stabbed with sufficient force. Though effective, this does seem like the sort of death that might spread still further seeds around – I suspect that it’s only the relative obscurity of the Golden Age Vision that has spared the Marvel Universe from an ongoing giant plant crisis. (Marvel Mystery Comics v1 026, 1941)

Neekians:

Rex Dexter of Mars and his lover Cynde encounter the Neekians after suffering an unexpected crash landing on their previously-uncharted planet. Thanks to the expansionist tendencies of their leader Gorko, the Neekians immediately set about preparing for an invasion of the Earth (bad). As an aside, please note the little net-scooters that the Neekians use to capture Rex and Cynde (good).

Despite some rather extreme physiological differences, the Neekians (or maybe just Gorko) exhibit that most universal fictional alien behavior: being horny about human women, as Cynde is forced to dance for their pleasure.

Cynde’s distracting gyrations give Rex the opportunity to escape, and in doing so he discovers the Neekians’ great weakness: they have no bones and are absurdly easy to kill with even the most basic level of hand-to-hand combat. They also have no apparent benefit to this bonelessness, just massive detriment.

Despite this revelation, Gorko commences his invasion of Earth (please note the cool “weird birds” that they ride into battle) only to have his forces (and his body) humiliatingly chopped to pieces by a fleet of “blade planes,” aka “regular planes with a couple of rotating swords stuck on top of them.” Once freed from Gorko’s charismatic leadership, the remaining unchopped Neekians flee for home. (Mystery Men Comics 018, 1941)

Neptunians:

When space lawman Space Smith answer a distress call from Neptune, he is immediately set upon by the Plutonian pirates who were the source of the initial distress. Tied up and left to be eaten by a Neptunian pterosaurus (very cool, has two of my favourite monster features: big black eyes and a single big fang), Space barely escapes thanks to the timely arrival of his partner Diana.

Space and Diana finally meet the actual Neptunians on page three of this four-page story, and they are much more boring than the Plutonians, who looked like they were about 1% cat. If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s an excessively humanoid alien. (Fantastic Comics 010, 1940)

Neptunians:

Speaking of humanoid Neptunians, here are another bunch, as encountered by space explorer Don Granval. They do at least have the good graces to be bald and big-eared and a sort of vaguely orangey-yellowy colour, which counts for something.

Granval is just about to trade for some supplies when the peaceful Neptunian city is attacked by a pretty cool-looking war machine that emerges from the sea, and as the Neptunians are so peaceful that they can’t even conceive of doing anything to resist any further attacks, he offers to lead them in a little retaliatory strike on whoever is responsible.

“Whoever is responsible” turns out to be the inhabitants of a previously-unknown underwater city, and more specifically their leader, the beefy, bearded and pants-eschewing Rigoro. Is Rigoro a Neptunian from a hair-bearing subgroup or just an enterprising human pirate? This is impossible to tell because none of the undersea Neptunians ever take off their helmets to give us a look at their coiffures or lack thereof.

Rigor ultimately meets his end while trying to do the signature move of any fat guy in the 1940s: jumping on a downed foe. Once he is out of the way, the remaining inhabitants of the undersea city sue for peace and all is well once more on the planet Neptune. (Planet Comics 009, 1940)