The kids are back for this one, and if you are tired of Bobby and Binks and the Magic Crystal of History then I have good news for you: this is the last Real Person entry that they will completely dominate. You just have to keep your eyes on the long-term goal of seeing a comic where Superman goes back in time to help Hannibal cross the Alps and being able to point at it and go “I bet those kids were very confused during this part of their mystical time-vision.” Trust me, it’ll be great.

Isabella I of Spain:

This is a Columbus entry, let’s be clear, but it starts with Isabella and we’re labeling these based on the first person on the title card. We see her brother Henry IV of Castile plot to marry her to a man of his choosing, but she gets hitched to Ferdinand II instead. This in turn kicks off the whole Spanish Empire thing when they merge their kingdoms into a more powerful whole.

Another important piece in the Spanish Empire is the exploitation of the New World, and Christopher Columbus is there to help with that. The Columbus portion of the story is a pretty standard pre-post colonialist version of the tale, i.e., it doesn’t include any of the atrocities. (More Fun Comics 036, 1938)

Philip II of Spain:

Philip II of Spain was also the ruler of Belgium and the Netherlands, and he wasn’t going to put up with any trouble from a bunch of stinking Protestants. Thus, oppressive rule was the name of the game. We are presented with a few local figures: Margaret of Parma (Phillip’s sister and local representative of the crown, possibly inclined toward some leniency), Count Berlaymont (her advisor, much more in line with the official policy), the Beggars/ Geuzen (local nobles who take their name ironically from an insult offered them by the Count), William the Silent (leader of the Dutch resistance forces).

Philip responds to this resistance by replacing Margaret with the brutal Duke of Alva (aka Fernando Álvarez de Toledo, 3rd Duke of Alba) who institutes a campaign of terror and mass execution, including the Counts of Egmont and Horn, noted above. Despite this, William the Silent eventually wins independence from Spain, though despite what the kids say I can find no evidence that anyone ever called him “the George Washington of the Netherlands,” (More Fun Comics 037, 1938)

Mary Queen of Scots:

It’s time for more Catholic vs Protestant nonsense as the coronation of Elizabeth I of England stirs up trouble from Pope Gregory XIII, who is still upset about her father getting all those divorces and founding a competing church. Enter Mary, hereditary Queen of Scotland and recent widow of the King of France, to champion the cause of Catholicism on the island. Also present: her main critic, John Knox.

Mary weds a fellow named Lord Darnely, who then turns around and murders her secretary David Rizzio. Lord Darnley is in turn murdered – plausibly by Mary – a year later, but not before fathering the future James VI of Scotland/ James I of England, who the kids have a very low opinion of here. I think that they might favour the Catholic side of the conflict if I’m reading them right. We end with them watching Mary be executed by her first cousin Elizabeth after seeking sanctuary from a series of rebellions with her. You can’t trust royalty, kids, that’s the lesson here. (More Fun Comics 038, 1938)

the Spanish Armada:

The next installment ties several of the prior ones together: Phillip II of Spain, angry about the execution of Mary Queen of Scots (and perhaps a little excited about the claim to the throne of England that he inherited from her), sends the Spanish Armada to invade England. Queen Elizabeth I appoints Sir Francis Drake to head the defense effort and he of course does a swell job. (More Fun Comics 039, 1939)

Guy Fawkes:

More religious upheaval, as pro-Catholic Guy Fawkes and the Gunpowder Plotters, attempt to blow up James I for being too Protestant.

Interestingly, they do specify that Fawkes was quartered, in contrast to the mealy-mouthed nature of the discussion of William Wallace’s end. Is this because of the kids’ firm belief in the divine right of kings? Has it overridden their staunch Catholicism? (More Fun Comics 040, 1939)

Oliver Cromwell:

Though the scan quality is particularly low, you must believe me when I tell you that the kids are watching the execution of Charles I by Oliver Cromwell here. They just love executions! (More Fun Comics 041, 1939)

The Magic Crystal of History keeps its focus on Cromwell’s England in the next installment, featuring John Milton as Secretary of State, Admiral Blake‘s victories at sea, the suppression of the pro-Charles II faction in Ireland and the ascension of Cromwell to Lord Protector. (More Fun Comics 041, 1939)

Marie de Medicis:

Here we see Marie de Medici(s), Queen Regent of France for her son Louis XIII. Her rule is marred by the influence of an opportunist named Concino Concini (and also his wife Leonora Dori, who is completely omitted here except for a couple of “and his wife”s after mentions of Concini).

Charles de Luyens and Nicolas de l’Hôpital de Vitry respond to this by heroically assassinating Concini. Queen Marie then is exiled and confined but escapes to cause more trouble. Soon-to-be-Cardinal Richelieu is also there but we will speak of him next time. (More Fun Comics 043, 1939)

Cardinal Richelieu:

Introduced in the previous installment as the only voice of reason in the Queen Regent’s circle, Richelieu parleys this into an advancement to Cardinal and the Prime Minister of France.

Thanks to his success in persecuting the Protestant Huguenots, the Cardinal’s power waxes even further. His former ally Marie conspires with her son Gaston, Duke of Orleans along with Henri Coiffier de Ruzé, Marquis of Cinq-Mars and eventually Philip IV of Spain to do a regime change but this goes poorly and the kids get to watch yet another execution as Cinq-Mars, as the least royal of the conspirators, gets it in the neck. (More Fun Comics 044, 1939)

Charles II of England:

The kids return their gaze to post-Restoration England now and they are not big fans of Charles II. After taking a moment to fanboy and-girl over John Bunyan writing Pilgrim’s Progress while imprisoned for religious nonconformity they make it pretty clear that they are pinning both the Great Plague and Great Fire of London on Charles’ lax moral standards. They are of course pretty pleased with the work of Christopher Wren in rebuilding the city.

In quick succession we Louis XIV of France attempt to ally with England to invade Holland, the thwarting of this deal by Parliament, Titus Oates and the false Popish Plot and finally the real Rye House Plot to kill Charles and his successor James II. We end on the trial of the possibly-railroaded Lord Russell, though I’ll bet that the kids kept watching long enough to see his beheading. (More Fun Comics 045, 1939)