As explained in the last real person round-up, Bobby and Binks’ adventures in time mean that these pocket histories all technically take place in the comic book universe that will eventually become DC Comics’ Earth-Two*, and thus are fodder for this feature. Plus there are, like, so many historical figures in them and there’s a part of me that really cares about getting those numbers up.

*this is important for later when we can look back and say just how many of these guys were actually Vandal Savage, for instance. 

Darius the Great:

Bobby & Binks are back in front of that damn Magic Crystal of History again. This time they’re watching Darius the Great attempt to invade Greece, including Pheidippides’ run from Marathon and Miltiades leading the Athenians to victory. The most surprising thing about this entry is of course the fact that the this-is-Sparta-emissary-into-pit thing was not actually from the Persian invasion of Thermopylae but this previous attempt to conquer Greece, and that the Athenians were the ones who did it, not the Spartans (okay, the Spartans supposedly did it too and both instances are possibly apocryphal but it’s still neat)! (More Fun Comics 015, 1936)

Hannibal:

Bobby & Binks next jump forward from the Greek and Persian Wars to the Punic ones, and specifically the Second Punic War and the career of Hannibal, from his youth in Carthage (featuring papa Hamilcar) through his good times crossing the Alps to his ultimate defeat by Scipio. Quoth Bobby, “he certainly was a game guy.” (More Fun Comics 016, 1936)

Julius Caesar:

The kids stick with Roman history for their next Magic Crystal session, watching Julius Caesar’s campaigns against the Gauls, including the qualified victory over Ariovistus and the defeat of Vercingetorix. (More Fun Comics 017, 1937)

Aleric I:

Roman history seems to have bored the kids, because from the life of Julius Caesar they skip straight to the end of the Western Roman Empire, with an abridged version of the life of Aleric the Goth, including the Sack of Rome and his death. Featuring Emperor Honorius in an unflattering role! (More Fun Comics 018, 1937)

Hengist & Horsa:

These Germanic brothers, who are legendary (i.e., fictional) figures in our timeline, led the Jutes into Britain, at fist to help King Vortigern with some problems he is having with the Picts and later as conquerors in their own right.

This transitions into a weird reverie about the introduction of Christianity to England after the future Pope Gregory sees some blonde kids at the Roman slave market and says that they look like “angels, not Angles” and that such nice-looking people should be converted post-haste (no version of this story that I can find includes anything about the kids not subsequently being sold as slaves, btw). Thus, once he becomes Pope, Gregory sends Augustine of Canterbury to convert King Ethelbert (aka Æthelberht) and his people. (More Fun Comics 019, 1937)

Alfred the Great:

In contrast to Roman history, the life and times of English monarchs really seems to appeal to Bobby and Binks, and so we will be there for a while. Starting off, we have the career of Alfred the Great and his trouble with the Danes, culminating with the surrender of Danish King Guthrun. (More Fun Comics 020, 1937)

Harold II:

Next we have the life of Harold II, last Angle king of England, including his initial victory over pretender to the throne/royal brother Tostig Godwinson and his ally King Harold Hardrarda of Norway…

… and his eventual death at the Battle of Hastings and the ascent of William the Conqueror to the throne. Note Binks’ strong anti-Norman, pro-bloodline succession stance. (More Fun Comics 021, 1937)

William the Conqueror:

Despite Binks’ concerns about the impure Norman blood ruling over Anglo-Saxon England, the kids go on to watch the life of William the Conqueror, featuring his shitheel half-brother Odo and rebel leader Hereward the Wake who rises up to oppose the Norman oppressor. (More Fun Comics 022, 1937)

Charlemagne:

For the first time in “Magic Crystal of History” history, the kids jump back a few hundred years for their next viewing session, in order check out the life of Carolus Magnus, aka Charlemagne. We see then-King, later-Emperor Charlemagne war against the Saxons under Wittekind, ally with Pope Adrian, and capture and usurp the throne of King Desiderius of the Lombards (here called Didier).

We also see the famous death of Roland (the great hero of France who is lauded for not asking for help so hard that he dies) and finally Pope Leo III crowning Charlemagne the Carolingian Emperor. (More Fun Comics 023, 1937)

Rolf the Ganger:

I must admit that Rolf the Ganger is the first of these Magic Crystal subjects who I have never heard of before. He was the first Duke of Normandy, a thing that is important to history because that means that his great-great-great grandson William the Conqueror was in a position to become King of England.

Rolf’s relative obscurity means that there is more of a walk to get to him than we usually see in these things we gotta start off with Charlemagne’s three shitty grandsons (Lothair I, Louis the German and Charles the Bald) here as they squabble over the empire he left them and ultimately divide it into three.

This political upheaval invites Viking raiders, including a fellow named Hastenc and ultimately Rolf the Ganger himself. Side note: the text box says that he was called “the Ganger” because of his height, but it’s much more fun than that. “The Ganger” in this instance means “the Walker” and is derived from the fact that he was supposedly too bif to be carried by a horse.

Rolf besieges a Paris defended by a fellow named Count Eudes so successfully that he is eventually paid off by King Charles the Fat and then later legitimized and made Duke of Normandy by Charles III. The kids are all in on this guy, by the way – it seems that they have come around on the right of conquest and the virtue of foreign rule. (More Fun Comics 024, 1937)